An Open Letter to the Arizona State Legislature

Bienvenidos a Arizona! Para Inglés, apriete el dos...

April 28, 2010

To the Arizona State Legislature,

I want to make sure I understand what it is your new law on immigration will do. If police have reasonable cause to stop someone they feel is an illegal, they may ask for documentation proving citizenship. That’s the main point in a bill that has such redundant mandates as claiming that illegal immigrants are committing a crime (that’s already a crime) and that the state of Arizona may sue the police if they aren’t doing a good job (you’re going to sue yourselves). You will also require legal immigrants to carry identification that verifies they are, in fact, legal immigrants. That would include me if I ever went to Arizona.

Are we all on the same page now?

I’ve gone on and on about how Texas has such a bad reputation. We keep doing stupid things like backing up a governor who wants to secede and making stupid changes to our textbooks. When I said I wanted us to stop being so stupid, I didn’t mean to imply I wanted someone to be stupider.

More stupid… Oh, crap, it IS something in the water.

How exactly will you be enforcing this policy? What constitutes reasonable doubt in a state where one third of the population is Hispanic? Will you be arresting and searching people based on suspicion of Mexicaness? Driving while brown? What?

Let me make something absolutely clear. I am an immigrant. A *legal* immigrant. I have the papers, social security card, driver’s license, W9 forms, and work-related stress like every other American. I want tougher immigration laws, but I don’t want them to be at the expense of those of us that have run the obstacle course to get where we are.

“But Michel,” I can hear you say, “if you’re here legally, you have nothing to worry about, right?”

Wrong. I do. It’s been a while since I took social studies in eighth grade, but I seem to remember something about the Fourth Amendment.

The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.

In modern Americanese, this means law enforcement must have reasonable cause to search for and ask me for documentation. This is why even the almighty Lenny Briscoe needed a warrant.


Lennie by ~friede on deviantART

If a guy with dark skin is wet by the Rio Grande and he’s holding a bag with all his belongings, I bet you he didn’t just compete in a wet t-shirt contest. If a brown guy is driving a beat-up truck and is speaking Spanish, that is not probable cause.

Want to know how I know?

Could you tell the difference between a recent immigrant and an illegal immigrant? For years, we’ve had the national debate on whether we should teach dual language courses to students from other countries. I guarantee that many of these kids do learn English, but they will continue to speak Spanish at home. In fact, if you were to go into a recent immigrant household, you’ll find it a rough approximation of the life the family enjoyed in their native land.

I’ve lived here for years and I can’t tell who is a citizen and who isn’t a citizen. Are you going to go by accent? Well, there goes half the state. You could always go by clothes, like this knucklehead in Congress suggested.

Just say it, Congressman Bilbray. You’re looking for the sombrero, sarape, and guaraches. Newsflash: We don’t all look like Speedy Gonzales!


.:Speedy Gonzales:. by *Notorious-Osaka on deviantART

Do we need to do something about immigration? Of course, but we have to walk a fine line. This law will catch a lot of illegals. Do you mean to tell me that naturalization is not good enough? I am not equal to my fellow citizens and must carry a document stating I am here without breaking the law if I go to Arizona?

At what point did we forget about “innocent until proven guilty?”

And one more thing… You keep saying this isn’t about racial profiling. Will you be looking for Chinese immigrants too? Hey, I’m not really brown, but I could pass for western European. Think maybe I’m some socialist usurper? My girlfriend has some Middle Eastern blood in her. Think she could be a member of that infamous Mexican al-Qaeda?

There’s already been an incident because of this new law. It hasn’t gone into effect and you already detained a natural-born citizen because he didn’t have his birth certificate.

There is no way to enforce this law without racially profiling. And there is no way to get results without detaining law-abiding citizens. Do you wonder why, after 9/11, we didn’t start rounding up Muslims and general brown people just in case? Since blacks make up such a large section of our prison population, do you think anyone’s seriously considered just planting microchips on blacks or asking them to prove they’re not violating that parole you assume is the reason they’re out on the street? Better yet, let’s put those microchips into the illegals! Yeah, that should solve our problems!


Who Would Jesus Deport? by ~theatrum on deviantART

There is an immigration problem in this country. Don’t think I don’t know that. I see it first-hand. However, what you’ve done is a few steps shy of Japanese internment camps. You’ve ignored any notion of integration for the legal immigrant community. If the Hispanic community is mad it’s because we’ve been targeted. This is like performing an appendectomy with a Glock.

May your lawns grow wild and your babies feral as your gardeners and babysitters are arrested, you weak-willed, sycophantic bastards.

You can read Part 2 here.

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3 Comments

  1. Luis Martin del Campo Luis Martin del Campo
    April 28, 2010    

    Great article Michel!!!, keep going…

  2. theshadowslth theshadowslth
    April 29, 2010    

    Beyond the illegality of this law, which is government sanctioned racial profiling, (we’ll need to get one Supreme Court case to have it stricken from the records, I hope), I’m amazed that the state of Arizona didn’t consider the economic ramifications. As you alluded to in your last paragraph, many of the lower end jobs are given to immigrants (illegal or otherwise). Me nieces’ nanny is an illegal immigrant and is absolutely wonderful with the kids.

    Here’s the interesting part. Americans (ignorant ones (insert joke here)) claim that illegal immigrants steal their jobs. Illegal immigrants do the jobs that Americans consider beneath them. In a discussion with a landscaping firm in my hometown, they admitted that they hire illegal immigrants exclusively. They tried to hire natural born citizens (through one method or another) and found out that if you can get one to sign on, they’ll show up for a few days, disappear for a few weeks, and then not show up again after that. The work certainly isn’t beneath them, but they feel that it is. The same immigrants show up every spring (and have for many years) and produce consistent, high quality work.

    So, yes, Arizona is going to fall to pieces when they piss off the illegal and legal immigrants, the natural citizens who have the wrong lineage and, really, anyone who isn’t your average WASP. Canadian illegal immigrants, you’ll be safe in Arizona — you look right.

    Arizona, I salute your devotion to self destruction!

  3. Ariel Ariel
    May 5, 2010    

    “That’s the main point in a bill that has such redundant mandates as claiming that illegal immigrants are committing a crime (that’s already a crime)”

    As far as I know, being in the country illegally is not in fact a crime. ENTERING the country without proper procedure is a crime, (INA 275), even for US citizens (19 USC 1459). And yes, it makes a difference. With certain exceptions (eg. minors, felons), US law doesn’t permit what are called “status offenses” – so you can criminalize using or selling drugs, you can’t criminalize “being an addict”; you can criminalize sleeping in a park after dusk or aggressively panhandling, but you can’t criminalize “being a vagrant.”

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