Divine by Zero: Porn by Numbers and the Scariest Summer EVAR!

June 5, 2010

It’s once again time for Divine by Zero! A lot has happened in the last few days, but I do want to clue you in to some things that will be going on this summer.

I work as a writing tutor, and TAMIU’s English department has one assignment every year that brings me pause. Freshmen must write review essays on a movie and, without fail, a sizable percentage of the young women will write on Twilight or the latest Twilight movie. I take my job seriously and I wish I could help them, but without knowledge of the plot, I can’t tell them if their reviews are written correctly or if they’re contradicting themselves.

And so, with much hesitation… I will sit and watch these movies so I may be better at my job come September.

keifer sutherland
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Let me be clear here. I do this for two reasons.

One: The reviews will come in. Oh yes they will. It’s like the Leonids. You can time it.

Two: I know the plot to these books and movies, I know the characters, and I utterly loathe them. The excerpts I’ve seen make me weep for the English language. And if I’m going to continue to explain to people why these movies are a waste of DVD’s and not have them call me ignorant for never having seen them… I will do it. I will watch them. Just to tell them I watched them.

I’m scared.

Well, onward to link-land!

  • Anyone want to buy Bruce Willis vodka? Out of every celebrity I can think of, I can’t picture Willis even drinking vodka.

  • Guillermo del Toro, as some have heard, will not be directing The Hobbit. I really wanted him to do it, but io9 has a wonderful article on why this is a good thing. Can’t say I share their fears, but it does provide some comfort.
  • Lobbyists in Texas are signing up in throves to get concealed gun licenses. Why? Beefed-up security at the state capitol means longer lines as tourists are searched before entering the building. However, if you have a concealed gun license, you can bypass that line and just enter. Does anyone else see a HUGE problem with this? People with guns are allowed to walk into a federal building. And yes, you can carry just the license OR the license and gun.
  • Online MBA did some digging and found out just how much the world loves its porn. Check it out:

The Stats on Internet Pornography
Via: Online MBA

  • Advertising already bombards us with images and sounds, and there’s only so much they can do to make us buy their products… so how about a billboard that sells and SMELLS like steak?
  • Rue McLanahan passed away a few days ago, and that means we’re down to one Golden Girl. I really like the show, ever since my mom was watching it years ago and I stopped long enough to hear these ladies banter like pros. In memoriam, here are some quotes from the character that gave half the senior citizens in this country dreams of Viagra.
  • All those energy drinks out just met their Bizarro world counterparts: anti-energy drinks. Though their sales are a fraction of the energy drink market, these concoctions with names like iChill and RelaxZenm are raising eyebrows at the FDA. One drink, Drank, contains 20 times the body’s natural melatonin, a hormone.
  • Someone has captured the pure emotion of the internet. If you have three weeks to kill with pointless clicking, head over to MOST AWESOMEST THING EVER. You get two things, such as naps and Jell-O, and must decide which is more awesome. Your vote adds a point to that item. Battles are random and the current most awesomest things according to the internet are Life, the Internet, Oxygen, and Music. Make your mark!
  • If you’re in the mood to read some really stupid things, take a few minutes to look through Fundies Say the Darnest Things, a collection of the most stupid, transparently racist, and downright idiotic forum posts I’ve ever seen. You’ll feel as if you’re five times smarter just by reading what these idiots think passes for reality. For example:

Quote# 34539

What’s going to happen when humans are successful [with human cloning]. Will cloned humans have spirits? If they don’t, could demons enter them? With no human spirit to contend with in a genetically perfect body, what havoc could these beings wreak on the world? And how would they be stopped?

Quote# 42943

What about fruits and vegetables? Did they just pop into existence on their own as well because the “god of evolution” knew that we would need? nutricious foods to eat?

Quote# 1450

I forgot you assume a lack of an answer [is] not knowing.

  • And finally, to usher in the weekend, here’s “Money” by Pink Floyd performed by 8-bit sounds. Enjoy!

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