October 4, 2010
I want you to read the following sentence and make sense of it on the first try:
A magisterial district judge with almost 20 years on the bench was arrested for handing out acorns filled with condoms.
Okay, did you get all that? The story’s been circulating around the internet, and for the longest time, I didn’t get it. It seemed like the kind of crime that had no damage other than some people who were offended at being given a condom. In fact, it seemed like a really stupid crime.
Not even a crime. It’s a dumb thing to do. I know that sounds funny on a site called RANDOMology, but this was just way too random even for me. Why acorns? And condoms? Was this some hidden stab at ACORN? Some statement on sex education? Woo gets offended at being given a condom?
What the hell is going on?!
Frankly, after fifteen minutes, I would have called the cops on this judge just for the headache I was getting trying to figure this out.
It wasn’t until I read the full account of what happened that I understood. Sort of.
See, the judge had read somewhere about a joke where you give someone a nut of some sort and tell them it came from a rubber tree. You then tell the mark that if you make a wish and break the rubber tree nut, your wish will come true. They open the nut and… they find a condom.
Rubber tree. Get it?
Yeah, it’s a really stupid joke.
This story’s been making the rounds online because, well… it’s just bizarre.
There are a lot of unanswered questions, and even the police report doesn’t offer a lot of clues.
How many nuts did the judge hollow out? If it was two or three, fine, but if it was a dozen or more, that begs the question as to what this judge hoped to accomplish. Let’s say, just to make this guy sound normal, he only made five or six acorns. This still means he had to sit there and carefully hollow out the nuts. That takes patience. This guy is a judge. He doesn’t have anything better to do?
Then there’s the actual execution of the joke. Why give the acorns to random strangers? If he’d given them to people in the office, it would still have been weird for a veteran of the judicial system to do this, but it would have been an office prank. I’m really confused, and I’m used to dealing with weird things. This one just makes no sense.
I think it would be easier to digest if a police officer gave out whoopee cushions filled with mangoes.
Or maybe if Bill Clinton walked around and gave out signed Trix cereal boxes with puppy food inside.
I think I could figure those out. This one? Not so much. Any theories?
- Katy Perry thinks sex, religion, and rock don’t mix. I think she just described the recipe for the greatest movie, album, or image ever! Methinks this should be an article in on itself.
- As much as I love her, Carmen Sandiego did not age well. At all.
- Scientists have announced the discovery for the first possible Goldilocks planet, so named because it is just warm enough for water to exist in its liquid state. This also makes it a prime candidate for life. My fellow nerds, we’ve found an M-class planet! Rejoice at the marvels of science!
- We can all talk about the uses of the internet and what it’s good for, but this? THIS is why Youtube was invented. Right here. No arguments.
- Dolphins are cute and make for tasty tuna. We like to think of them as graceful and playful. But who knew they could also be total klutzes?
- And finally, straight from Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal, I present “The Writer.” I don’t know what’s more sad. The Writer’s thought process or that the ending might be realistic. You decide!