All These Things I’ve Done

March 28, 2011

The past week has been, to put it mildly, one of the more stressful of my life. Hell, the last six months have been filled with funerals, finances, and everything under the sun. There have been good times (getting engaged would be in this list), but everything also feels like it’s balancing and just waiting to fall on one side or another.

And yet, despite holding on  the people and thing I love with the fervor of someone fleeing a house fire, I have a sort of Zen-like calm about the whole thing.

I’m doing everything I can to make things work. The people in my life know how I feel about them. I type and stay up as long as I have to in order to do what I need to do. I go to bed, tired, but the kind of tired you get after a good workout or after a show-stopping performance. It’s the kind of tired you get from working on something you believe. It’s the kind of tied you get after running a marathon.

I can feel myself moving forward. I know I’m doing everything possible.

Stress by ~robingoosen on deviantART

As bad as things may have gotten these last several months, as much as the stress piled on and I popped tension headache pills like they were grapes, I think I’ve reached a point where I’ve finally realized that it’s not the amount of work I do to get to my goals that’s killing me. It’s the quality of my work.

Don’t get me wrong.

I love this site and all my readers. I love the way Charcoal Streets is coming out. I appreciate every link you share and every fan on Facebook.

I could do better, though.

As I edit Charcoal Street stories I haven’t seen in months, I find mistakes and clichés I should not have written. I look through the site and see little things I should have noticed. I look through my art and see the errors that should not have escaped me.

In short, I’ve become more aware that while my production has increased in the last year, my quality is not where I want it to be.

The Writer by ~LunaLove-Hero on deviantART

I’ve deleted my games on Facebook. I have set plans for the week. I’m going to devote specific times to my work. I’m going to focus as much as I can, and then I’ll break, and after I put everything back together again, I’m going to keep going.

That’s how you get through the day. I saw an episode of Criminal minds where one of the profilers has been having nightmares and another, senior profiler tells him that the best they can hope for is to make the nightmares bearable.

Crap.

I’m going to tell my nightmares to get stuffed. This is my life. I didn’t invite them.

The Lost Writer by ~NinjaTasticAgentM on deviantART

It’s time for some Monday links. Let’s get going!

• I watch Peter Coffin’s videos on Youtube once in a while, and he’s always come off as a bit of a D-bag, but if this post is true, he’s an ever bigger dick than I thought.

• This guy may look creepy, but he just wants to take you out for a romantic evening.

• I’m going to take back a lot of things I’ve said Megan Fox. She and her boyfriend shot this video for Funny or Die that supports teachers and takes a few punches at the California educational system. Nice job, folks! Oh, and she also bashes Transformers.

• Want people on Facebook to hate you? Just use these types of profile pictures.

• Want to be popular with the ladies? Just take Shakespeare’s advice.

• For any political nutjobs out there, here’s how you write a manifesto. At least, this is how you write the first page.

• Did you know God had a wife? Apparently, research shows that early versions of several books in the Bible made mention to a goddess worshiped alongside God. She was taken out, it seems. It sounds very Dan Brown, but I’m keeping an eye on this story.

• And finally, here’s the first teaser for The Three Musketeers. I’m REALLY weary of the 3D gimmick, but it’s got Mila Jovovich and Ray Stevenson, so it might just be fun.