The United States of Randomology

There are rocky shores ahead for some very rich libertarians...

August 18, 2011

Ever get the feeling that life is just too stiming with all its rules, regulations, and silly things like social norms and boundaries? Hey, if you’re filthy rich and want to start over, why not pitch in and start your own country out at sea?

That’s just what an intrepid group of libertarians are doing. They’re going to set up artificial islands and start new societies outside of the reach of other nations. Basically, these places will have all but the most basic laws, regulations, and even then, it sounds like they’ll be free to build, do, and conduct themselves however they want.

For my part, I’m going to just wait for the first pig head on a stick to appear.

Lord of the Flies by *skottieyoung on deviantART

It’s not that I don’t think humans can function without rules and regulations. It’s that those rules and regulations are there to keep the people who would abuse the system in check. Minimum wage? That kept me fed for several years. Gun laws? They keep the nut down the street from saving up and buying an M60 to put on his roof. Building and health codes? They make it so that people have to make sure offices and homes won’t catch on fire and our food isn’t filled with yummy lead.

But, I can hear the libertarians say, people are smart enough to not sell products that kill, build buildings that won’t collapse, and buy guns responsibly.

Really? Is that why so many Right-wingers and libertarians want these rules taken away? Because they think they’re redundant? I got news for you. Libertarians want these rules taken away because THEY DON’T WANT TO FOLLOW THEM.

Things like minimum wage and health codes are things that lower the bottom line. Business cares about profit. I wouldn’t be surprised if these islands collapse under the weight of human greed and self-centeredness within six months.

libertarian demotivator by ~Party9999999 on deviantART

The idea, though, did make me ask myself what I would do if I was given a small island to make civilization. I think I’ve narrowed down my list of rules to a few choice rules.

  1. All people are free to worship or not worship as they see fit. They do not, however, have the right to use their religious views as facts and must still base all arguments on things other people can verify.
  2. Any performer that lip-synchs or auto-tunes during a concert will have to refund every ticket. And no, you can’t just put a disclaimer on the ticket.
  3. There will be NO political parties.
  4. Librarians, teachers, and educators will be heavily sought-after and will be compensated accordingly.
  5. School policy will be decided by teachers and educators. Parents and politicians can stay out of the final decision.
  6. Students will be held responsible for their work.
  7. Parents will be held responsible for students once said students leave the school.
  8. Happy Hour will be like Siesta. Everyone gets to go out for a few hours and just relax.
  9. If you own a truck with aftermarket shock-absorbers so that the whole thing is fifteen feet tall, you MUST own a ranch or otherwise justify having your headlights at eye-level with everyone else.
  10. High-speed internet is a right.

And what about you? What rules would you institute in your little island nation? See you tomorrow!

Anarchy by ~wildhearted on deviantART

Apocalypse Wow!


May 20, 2011

Well, tomorrow is Judgment Day, folks. At least, that’s the claim by a fringe group that believes the End Times will start tomorrow with the Rapture, and culminate in the end of all things in October. If you’re a regular reader on this site, odds are you haven’t earned any special favors up above. So, in light of the impending End, let’s go over a few things we all can do once the saved are brought up to Heaven and we mere mortals are left with an empty Earth.

Start a Cult

Hey, the End is here, right? Might as well jump on the bandwagon. Millions will be left behind, and if you’re the sort of person that likes to have people listen to him or her, this is your chance to shine.

If you’ve got access to a fortified position, plenty of water, and food, you could easily attract looters of all sorts, but why not beat them to the punch by claiming to hear messages from on high and draw some easily-duped fools to perform your every whim? On this one, I’m a bit screwed since water’s already pretty scarce and I live in an apartment, but the rest of you that may live near lakes and rivers and have plenty of firepower can certainly try it out.

All you have to do is be vague enough to people believe what you say is prophesy. If it comes true, it’s divine inspiration. If it doesn’t, it’s a metaphor. Just make it work. Come up with some words and phrases you can all use to mark yourselves as different form the rest of the world. Don’t take crap from anyone and, if someone steps out of line, just threaten to give them to the cannibalistic hordes outside the compound walls.

This one’s for the ambitious, but for the rest of us…

Lady Apocalypse by *Fishbling on deviantART

Walk the Wasteland

If you have any survival instincts or even camping experience, you can certainly become a walker in the waste. Pack up whatever essentials you may need and start your trip through what will soon be the Empty States of America. You don’t necessarily have to walk, either. Grab a car or, for that extra apolalicious twist, a motorcycle.

Be classy about it…

Get plenty of weapons, food, and supplies. just think of it as a long camping trip. You only have to think a few months ahead, too. We won’t even make it to 2012 if these guys are right.

Personally, I’m all for going to raid the local Academy sporting goods store, stock up on the essentials, and take that cross-country trip I always wanted. Might as well see the sights before October when God himself takes it all back, right? It won’t be some wild, reclaimed landscape, but I’d like to see the major sites. Of course, this could lead to all sorts of shenanigans and adventures, too.

Yay for post-Apocalyptic hijinks!

Eat It Like It Makes You Immortal

We’re all going to kick it in a few months, right? Raid that grocery store and liquor store!  If you’re going to put on a few pounds or develop an alcohol addiction, this is the time. Why not spend the last few months in a haze of booze and sugar highs?

Personally, raiding the local Feldman’s and grabbing the $13,000 booze is going to be my goal once everything goes legs up. If I’m going to watch civilization consume itself in an orgy of violence and decadence, I’m going to need some good tequila.

On that same note, grab every movie and TV show you ever wanted to watch but couldn’t. You’ve got time now. I’m going to sit down and go through every season of the original Star Trek, all of Battlestar Galactica, and every Rifftrax I can get.

You’ll have to pace yourself, though. You don’t want to go through the whole thing in one sitting or you won’t be around for October’s big finale.

Play Like a Boss

Safety features? Rules? Why bother? Play the most violent sport you can find with a reasonable chance of survival. Russian Roulette is right out, but something like this might do:

Why not drag-race down the newly-abandoned superhighways? Bungee jump from the Golden Gate Bridge? Play golf in downtown Manhattan and paintball in the streets of LA? It’s all free game now.

Hey, let’s play polo, but with trucks! Hell, you could run the longest D&D game of all time! I’d be up for that. I’d run a game so long and complex that… hey! I could run the World’s Largest Dungeon! Finally, an excuse to stay awake for a week straight, then two more months!

Apocalypse by ~darkm4rk on deviantART

Grab a Nice Spot

Come October, everything will end. Do whatever you want in the next few months, but in the end, pick a spot with a good view. Most of your major hotels and office buildings will do. Get something that will let you look out into the world one last time and bask in the glry of creation before God comes down and pushes the Off Switch…


If you’re like me and have people you care about, people you love and love you back, make the most of this time.

It’s very telling whenever someone says the end is coming. If you think your end is near, that you will soon leave this world, your priorities change. You focus on the things that truly matter. Me? I’ll stay with the people I love, read the books I never got to read, and keep writing until I can’t. Then, I’ll throw one big party and watch the world go boom with them at my side.

Should be fun…

apocalypse by *c0rr0si0n on deviantART

And now, link storm to make up for paltry links on Wednesday!

  • If aliens land after we’re all gone, they may find that the amount of Mythbusters fan art may place the mustachioed one and the pyro-ginger as deities.
  • This week marks the anniversary of Jim Henson’s death. I actually learned English with Sesame Street workbooks and learned to love storytelling by watching the Muppets. Nothing will ever replace him, and I thought the world was going to end when Jim left us so many years ago…
  • And finally, as you watch the world end, how about listening to something appropriate? See you Monday, you Survivors of the Apocalypse.

How the Republican Party Will Kill Us All

Just wait until they get the Tea Bagging Ninja Squad up and running.

April 1, 2011

Yes, it’s April 1, but this is not an April Fool’s joke. The Republican Party really is trying to kill off American citizens. Don’t believe me? I’m not going to weave some elaborate conspiracy theory. I really doubt these events are part of some mass plan, but they are steps taken by this political party that will all have the same effect.

We are all going to die.

Single Parents

Representative Michelle “I Don’t Know What State I’m In” Bachmann wants to tax single mothers more. Or give breaks to married mothers. We’re still unclear on the specifics. The point is that single parents, a demographic that is already hurting in the current economy, will have more money taken out of their pockets because of life choices.

Whatever happened to Republicans wanting to get the government out of our lives? Look, divorce can be messy and traumatic for families, but why should these families get taxed and hurt more? Bachmann said she wants to encourage family formation, but given her record on gay issues, I’m going to assume these tax breaks would only apply to heterosexual couples.

Getting a doctor, food, rent, and gas is already a pinch. Why deprive single families of more money?

Double Duty by ~Yellowsticus on deviantART


The fight to help protect people through things like safety regulations has taken more than a hundred years. The Triangle Fire really opened up people’s eyes to the hazards and slavery-like mentality of employers at the turn of the century. One would think that things like asbestos regulations and the inclusion of fire-sprinklers would be a good thing, right?

Apparently, all these “safety” regulations are just getting in the way of business.

It’s funny, but when the GOP talks about small business, business, and the economy, what they really mean is “business owners.” Screw the workers. In Maine, the governor wants to take down a mural that celebrates the history of labor because he said he was told it was hostile to business. Where is this offensive piece of art?

The Maine Department of Labor.

So remember, folks, screw the workers. As long as SOMEONE gets paid, it’s okay, right?

Chanting for the Nation by ~leavenotrase on deviantART

The Poor

If you need food stamps, the GOP has the perfect way to get them. No, it doesn’t involve showing a need for basic necessities like food.

First, get a job.

No, really. That’s their plan. If you want food because you don’t have a job, first get a job. It’s amazing that these idiots don’t realize that it’s not that people aren’t looking for jobs. It’s that there ARE NO jobs.

Not harsh enough? Well, if you do have a job and are getting government aid, you better not go on strike. If you strike, they’ll pull your welfare. Now get to work!

Really, though, GOP is doing everything possible to flush money down the toilet in the name of protecting us from scary government intervention. The truth, though, is that the GOP is really concerned with government intrusion, but only in the sense that they want to be the ones who do it.

Visit for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

So there you have it. Republicans want to starve, suffocate, and otherwise kill you.

Oh, and in Montana, one of them wants to repeal DIU laws because they hurt small business. I wish this were all a joke.

And now, to get some happy back into your life, the links!

  • And some animals don’t know how to fight and would be eaten in the wild. That is all for this week. Thanks for reading, keep sharing links, and I’ll see you Monday.

Anarchy for the Common Man

If you join an anarchist group... you kind of defeat the purpose.

January 17, 2011

It’s been a heavy week, what with talks of violent rhetoric and other goings on around the world, so let’s talk about something light.


Yes, you too can be a founding member of the new generation that destroys Western civilization as we know it!

Well, not quite.

See, to say that something or someone is “anarchist” is a bit like saying you can make pizza. Are we talking Chicago-style pizza or New York-style pizza? Do you make it from scratch or do you use biscuits to make mini-pizzas like I do? Most anarchists say they want a world without government, without an overlord-like power telling everyone what to do and what’s acceptable. That’s the one constant.

The problem, though, is that the ways to go about reaching this world differ.

we want anarchy not chaos by ~Swoboda on deviantART

Much like La Raza, anarchy is a goal that lies far in the future. That’s not to say there are not anarchists now. There are. I’m one of them. I believe an ideal world is one in which every person is free to do as he or she chooses. This is a world in which we no longer need governments. It’s a world where personal freedom and accountability are held up there with life, liberty, and the rest of Superman’s motto.

The problem, though, is people.

Let me put it this way. Anarchy is the belief that the people have the final say and can govern themselves. Okay, fine… have you met the “average” person? Churchill once said that a few minutes with the average citizen are the greatest argument against democracy.

And he’s right.

We’re dumb. We really are. Think of the average person. Now think about the fact that half the population is dumber than that. And if you don’t understand that last sentence, you fall under the “lower than average” category. Sorry.

Ode to American Gothic by *Quasimanga on deviantART

I don’t talk about education and art just because it’s something I do or like to do. Art and education, the appreciation of things not essential to survival and the ability to absorb knowledge are the keys to a fully anarchic society, one in which we move beyond progressivism and conservatism and simply evolve into a world of personal choice and freedom. The ability to learn and adapt is falling away from us. Whether we like to admit it or not, we’re in a world that embraces anti-intellectualism. Science is shunned as something evil or some conspiracy to control. Art is seen as some sort of freaky endeavor that only the crazy or slightly mad pursue.

Art and education are the key to our future.

I have friends who, despite being life-long conservatives, pursed a higher education and, through their studies and their acceptance of new ideas, realized that choice and freedom were the way to go. Art has, for many of my friends, spoken to them of themes and messages language just can’t handle or is too verbose to communicate.

The ability to think not just of the world but the world of art and reading “between the lines” is what stands between us a true anarchism.

And anarchy is not a negative term. It’s just used as such by people who don’t know better.

anarchy by ~myfriendjoshua on deviantART

Anarchy is freedom. It doesn’t mean total chaos. It means choice, but also the ability to take responsibility for those choices. And that’s why an informed population is essential. That’s why education and art are, I truly believe in my heart and mind, the key to a free society.

I want anarchy. I want a world where movies are not rated. I want a world where information flows. I want a world where we hold people accountable for their actions. I want a world where fear of the unknown is replaced by healthy curiosity for new possibilities.

I want controlled demolition of everything around me.

Anarchy by ~xMusicXcisuMx on deviantART

And now that we’ve dealt with the imminent FBI investigation, time for the links.

  • I know this is old, but Richard Dawkins explains, in the most straight-forward way possible, why adherence to old ways is so prevalent and a hindrance to progress.
  • In case you still need a little Arizona shooting talk, Rachel Maddow blows away the myth that guns at the shooting would have made it safer. There WERE guns there. Other people were almost shot.
  • You know all those bird deaths were the little guys just sort of fell from the sky. Apparently the gays did it. Not making this up. It seems that God is sending us signs.
  • And finally, showing why an understanding of the scientific process, or taking in as much data as possible, is important, here’s a Saturday morning Breakfast Cereal comic showing why the proper interpretation of data is important. Don’t forget to check the poll on the upper right, and I’ll see you on Wednesday!