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Aug 152011
 
 August 15, 2011  Posted by at 12:01 am The Weekly Muse Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,  3 Responses »

Winners: Lost dog, blindness, End of Time

Toby wandered through the kitchen one more time. He’d looked through the pantry and cupboards twice, but he had to hope he might have missed something. He tried reaching the higher cabinets, but he could barely get his legs to stretch far enough or find anything to climb. The lizard he found and ate in the morning would have to do.

No one played with him and no one called his name. He still remembered his name, alien as it was. Toby tried chasing birds, but they flew too high. A few of his friends were trapped in their homes. He saw them die days ago when the food was gone. Toby had made it by catching the odd animal and going in and out of the house through a broken window.

But he could feel himself weakening. There was some water in the pond outside, but there was almost nothing to eat. On the tenth day, he saw a new master.

#

Wallace kept his hands on a long staff made from a fallen branch. His tattered clothes still smelled like sot after more than a week, and the few protein bars he found on the dead traveler some days ago wouldn’t feed him for too much longer.

In the distance, he heard a dog cry. It was a pathetic, weak cry. Tiny claws clicked on broken concrete. Wallace took his revolver and aimed in the general direction of the dog. He could barely see, and the dog wouldn’t know what a gun was, he thought, but it was the only defense he had. When the dog finally stopped, it was close enough for Wallace to make out.

It was a pathetic little thing, no more than fifteen pounds tops, and it whimpered when it was close enough.

#

Toby smelled the new master. It was thin and moved like it was hurt. It spoke, but Toby only understood a few sounds.

#

“Hello there,” Wallace said. “You’re a cute little guy, aren’t you? Looks like it’s me and you, buddy. What’s your name?”

The dog barked.

“I see. I’ll figure out what to call you. Where’s home, buddy?”

The dog barked once and started to run in one direction, then stopped to make sure the Wallace was following. Wallace kept his revolver close. He hadn’t seen anyone else in days, but he wasn’t about to trust a dog. That would be crazy.

“So,” he said, “looks like we’re the only ones left. Not a bad situation, you and me. You get us some food, I’ll cook it. Hell, I’ll play with you and take care of you if you take care of me, buddy. That sounds good. Buddy. I think I’ll call you ‘Buddy.’”

#

Toby hadn’t wagged his tail like that in days. The new master kept talking and saying things, but Toby didn’t understand most of the words. He understood things like ‘play’ and ‘good.’ After so many days, it would be fun to play with someone. The new master smelled good.

He smelled like treats.

#

“Yup. I was in the city when the first ones dropped. I don’t think I’ve talked to anyone since then. I think we’ll be fine. After all, not that you understand me, but if we don’t find food soon, you’re going to be supper.”

#

Toby couldn’t wait. The new master smelled really good. He couldn’t wait to play, then lick him. New Master really did smell like treats. Toby was hungry.

Jun 032011
 

To paraphrase the Daily Show, religion brings us together in a world torn apart by religion.

June 3, 2011

No, not THAT kind of Jewish problem, although this was perhaps the most shocking title I could think of to get some attention. If you clicked on the link hoping for some anti-Semitic post, you’re out of luck, pal. Try THIS charming pile of dogma and race-based attacks.

Anyway, it looks like in a bid to make sure he makes even more obscene amounts of money, Glenn Beck is staging a rally in Israel to make sure they and God know we are on the right side of history. I, and everyone else who’s seen him preach for more than five minutes, knows this is a publicity stunt to get money. The man is charging $4,500 to go to this rally. He’s made several predictions, such as his assertion than the West will fall in the next few months, and Westerners will no longer be able to see the holy sites, and that we will have a second Jewish Holocaust.

All of it, of course, is crap.

However, this does bring up an odd point when it comes to Americans and Israel. Obama gave a speech where he asked for Israel to go back to the borders it had in the 1960’s. It’s not a stance that’s new or even that controversial. Even Dubya made the same proposal without too much fanfare by comparison. However, the response from the Right was “Obama wants to destroy Israel because he’s suggesting a course of action Israel doesn’t want to follow.”

In fact, any time someone mentions a course of action that might inconvenience Israel, the Right has a collective heart attack. We must stand with Israel, they say! We have to stand by them no matter what!

…Why?


Independence Day by ~Katrina-Crane on deviantART

Okay, let’s look at this from a purely physical sense. Has the global Jewish community suffered? Oh, of course. No matter how people insist on denying it, the Holocaust occurred, and even before that, Jews were often rounded up into ghettos and anti-Semitism is not a new phenomenon. Whether or not you believe Israel should have been created is another matter, but the reality is that the state exists and it faces serious questions as to how it and its neighbors will coexist.

But since when do we just give a free pass to any country to just do whatever it wants? Why do we believe we must help Israel at all costs JUST BECAUSE it is Israel? Remember, these are the same American conservatives who balk at the idea of affirmative action and welfare.

The answer has to do with the American Christian conservatives. If you’ve ever read through the book of Revelation, and it’s a fun read if you’re drunk, you’d know that Jews returning to the Holy Land is one of the conditions that must happen before Christ returns. And Christ returning is a big deal. He’s going to be on boxes of Wheaties and get his own toy in Happy Meals.

It will be a glorious day for Christendom, a day Christians have been eagerly awaiting for more than two thousand years…

Except that it doesn’t end well for the Jewish community. Not at all. See, the list of who gets to go to heaven is, well… small.


armageddon by ~AngrychasingBear on deviantART

When Beck and others say they are pro-Jew, they are only supporting Israel, not the Jewish people. Beck himself has a long history of promoting the work of anti-Semites and using Jewish stereotypes when attacking George Soros. Becky Boy even went so far as to claim that Soros, a holocaust survivor who has helped topple Communist regimes all over the world, helped the Nazis kill Jews. He and others have also made the very bold claim that we have abandoned the Jewish people by not going fully with everything Israel wants to do.

The problem, though, is that in their minds, “Israel” and “Jews” are the same thing. Never mind that Jews here in the States didn’t see anything wrong with Obama’s proposal. Never mind that hundreds of rabbis have condemned Beck’s rhetoric. For the Right, “Jews” and “Israel” are the same thing. Not supporting Israel is tantamount to racism.

They link Hebrew teachings and Israel like they link Christianity and America. Of course, Israel really was founded on Jewish principles for Jewish people.

But think about this for a moment. Like I said, the Right gives Israel a free pass because Jews have suffered, yet the Right doesn’t like entitlement programs. A lot of the attitude we have in this country towards Israel is based on the idea that we have to make things fair for them. The Right says we must do everything in our power to help Israel, yet what they really want is to hasten the End Times. And like I said, it doesn’t end well for, well, anyone.

Plagues, famine, and the war to end all wars.

When someone says not supporting Israel, no matter what the country does, is anti-Semitic, please remind them that there is a difference between the state and the religion. This isn’t about what is best for the nation or for Judaism. This rant is about this country’s default position and why we go there. I’m not saying to not support Israel, because I think we should. I just wonder at both our motives and our real reasons for wanting to help them. Beck and others like him don’t really understand the concept and, although I’m sure Beck is just putting on a show for money, many only want to help Jews because they believe it will bring Jesus back.

One entire ethnicity wiped out so JC can come back? Sounds fair, right?


JEWISH PRIDE by *Gravitydesign on deviantART

Well, now that we’ve had enough apocalyptic visions for one week, let’s get to those links.

  • And finally, to really get an idea of the kind of brain washing we subject our population to, the kind of thinking we instill on children, check out the following video explaining why we have so many patriots who dogmatically defend this country despite reason.   See you on Monday!

May 232011
 

Party's over, folks. We really do have to work today.

May 23, 2011

So… We’re all still here.

Big surprise, but the impending apocalypse didn’t actually happen. The predictions of a lunatic were taken seriously by thousands and didn’t amount to much more than a few earthquakes and several wackos all over the world thinking that this was their last week on Earth. One woman tried to kill herself and her children because she didn’t want them to suffer through the Rapture. A few guys made thousands of dollars by promising religious folks to give them money to care for their pets when said owners disappeared. Those who followed this prediction now look like fools.

And what have we learned, children?

People is dumb.

Oh yeah, we are. No doomsday prediction has ever come true. Ever. However, when some people believed the end of the world was coming, we had a mix of reactions, and this really lets you know what our priorities are in this day and age.


RaPturE.. by ~azriel911 on deviantART

Hush, Little Baby

Take, for example, the mother who attempted to kill her children and herself with a box cutter. What mother would willingly kill their child? If you’re a proponent of assisted suicide and of ending a loved one’s pain when all other options are gone, then you might understand where this woman was coming from. However, there’s a very big difference between a doctor, someone with an advanced degree, telling you the scientific reasons why your mother, wife, child, or someone else has no hope for recovery and a lunatic who’s been wrong before saying that God’s coming to town.

What was the evidence? What was the overwhelming piece of information that convinced this mother that death was the most merciful thing she could do? And I use “merciful” in the most hesitant way since death by box cutter seems pretty gruesome.

Why did she do it? Someone said God said so. Faith is blind.


puppy by ~flison on deviantART

I Loves My Dog

Then take the guys who made thousands of dollars by telling people they would take care of the taken’s pets when the Rapture took the faithful away. People were actually worried about their pets. Not only that, but they were so secure in the knowledge that they were sinless enough to be taken into Heaven on Saturday that they made preparations.

They didn’t pray and ask for forgiveness. They didn’t try to make amends. They were already convinced of their inherent moral superiority to the sinners and heathens of the world. There was zero doubt.

Of course, it could also be that they wanted to be sure… just in case. It still shows a surprising amount of confidence on their part seeing as how the payment was non-refundable, which is how our two entrepreneurs managed to keep the cash.


After the Apocalypse by ~VampireDarlla on deviantART

What Now?

One of the big questions is what will happen to the cult members since the world is still here. Do they understand that their leader is full of it and go on with their lives? Do they see the error in believing someone apparently has divine knowledge of a very specific event?

Nope.

If past incidents are any indication, they will believe even harder. You could, of course, play Apocalypse bingo with the list of excuses that will get paraded around. Everything from Beck’s followers to Y2K survivalists, to the believers in this latest faux-catastrophe will continue to cling on to their beliefs because, in their minds, they were not proven wrong. Something changed. God blinked.

Whatever.

When you believe something on faith alone, just because you felt it, nothing will change your mind. Ever. You’d need a fundamental change in your being to alter your thought. Frankly, this sort of thinking and the sheer number of people who believed in it or felt scared enough to pull crap like this should give us pause. It’s the same mentality every conspiracy theorist holds on to. Evidence to the contrary isn’t proof of an error. It’s proof of a deeper conspiracy.

Me? I was drinking with a fedora on while the world was supposed to end.


Beer by ~PuzzledBean on deviantART

Now let’s see how awesome this world is and what we could have lost if it all had ended on Saturday.

  • You want to see what sheer nuclear death looks like? Check THIS out.
  • Have you ever wondered what a singularity of pure manliness looks like? Wonder no more!
  • And finally, if you want a battle to level buildings and shatter civilization, here’s Beiber versus Beethoven in the rap duel we all knew was coming. Personally, Ludwig won. See you later, Randomologists!

Jun 302010
 

The end is very frakkin' nigh!

June 30, 2010

Look to the skies, brothers and sisters, ‘cause Jesus is a-comin’!

At least that’s the belief held by a sizable percentage of Americans according to a new poll. The article contains predictions and events Americans believe will happen in the next several decades, but that one really caught my eye.

It’s a matter of statistics that 100% of doomsday prophesies have been incorrect. That being said, why do people think they can predict the end times? Granted, the survey didn’t say these people knew the date or time, but even narrowing it down the next fifty years means they believe the world is now primed to be engulfed in a divine war between the God and the Beast.

Yay! Plagues and cataclysmic, genocidal events for everyone!


Four Horsemen by *Godcharon on deviantART

It’s easy to see why people would believe this. In times of crisis, people turn to religion for comfort, and the idea that, sometime soon, everything will be fine for the faithful means that the current problems seem less huge, less imposing.

Personally, this kind of prediction cares the crap out of me.

Think about it. There is a sizable portion of our population, over 40%, that think everything we know will end in the next few decades. Really think about that. Everything. Gone. Goodbye Piccadilly. Farewell Leicester Square. And no more gorillas.

Ten points if you get the last reference.

Do you remember your senior year in either college or high school or… well, do you remember the last few months of any period of your life when you knew that time would end? How motivated were you? When people think they no longer have to work and they live a life or have a job they don’t like, odds are they’ll just do the bare minimum to get by and count the days until the last paycheck, or in this case, until the angels sound the trumpets and Wormwood falls into the oceans.


Apocalypse by ~Ekuhvielle on deviantART

I’m not about to knock on anyone’s faith here, but this mentality is very dangerous. It’s one thing to believe that an eternal reward awaits you in the afterlife. It’s another thing to think the world will eventually end in fire and plagues.

It’s a wholly different matter to assume it will happen within your lifetime or your children’s lifetimes. Will you help conserve resources? Improve our educational policies for the next few generations? Do you have any incentive to leave behind a lasting legacy?

No.

As morbid as it sounds, not believing this, believing that you are animated meat and there is nothing waiting for you in the great beyond, actually encourages people to do something. Sure, it can create a sense of ennui and nihilism, but that’s until you realize that the only thing that truly matters, the only thing that will leave any lasting impression, is the combination of people’s lives you have touched and the works you leave behind, whether they are art, song, stories passed on to others, or just memories of joy.

But if the world is going to end, what’s the point?

Maybe the world will end in the next five decades. Maybe the missiles are on their way right now.

Personally, I’d rather live as though I had a lifetime to live and my future children wanted me to leave something worthwhile for them. ‘Cause otherwise, I say we have no incentive to not nuke the whales. Screw ‘em.


Error: Apocalypse by ~JennyTheWriter on deviantART

Let’s talk about cheerful stuff now.

  • Republicans say the darnest things. And by “darnest,” i mean “dumbest.” Check out ten minutes of some of the best (or worst) of the last few years.
  • It turns out Glenn Beck IS a prophet! Right before his show debuted on Fox last year, he warned us about his future self’s obsession with communism! It’s true! Check out the clip.
  • We all talk about the speed of light, but what about the speed of darkness? It’s trickier than you think.
  • Education standards have taken a few hits lately, and I fear for the day when we will get to THIS level.
  • And finally, Seth Rogen is set to start in the modern-day adaptation of The Green Hornet. Hate it? Love it? Comment on it or anything else below or head to the forums.