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Jan 232012
 

Proud patriots! All of them. And none owned slaves*

January 23, 2012

I am not part of American history. My ancestors fought and toiled and help build this country into the superpower it is today. Two hundred years ago, slaves built this country on orders of men who claimed everyone was equal. The vast expanse of our nation was cleared of the indigenous populations to make room for a newly born democracy. The thousands who died so colonists would have free land are now remembered with shame. While America has many great qualities, its history is filled with blood and hypocrisy. It’s not that we can’t be better, but to ignore the past is to live a lie.

That lie, it seems, is preferred for the Tea Party. Go figure.


FRANKLIN by *INFPartist on deviantART

In Tennessee, the Tea Party is trying to remove all mentions of slavery and genocide from American history. Why? To make the Founding Fathers look good. According to the so-called patriots:

The material calls for lawmakers to amend state laws governing school curriculums, and for textbook selection criteria to say that “No portrayal of minority experience in the history which actually occurred shall obscure the experience or contributions of the Founding Fathers, or the majority of citizens, including those who reached positions of leadership.”

Fayette County attorney Hal Rounds, the group’s lead spokesman during the news conference, said the group wants to address “an awful lot of made-up criticism about, for instance, the founders intruding on the Indians or having slaves or being hypocrites in one way or another.

“The thing we need to focus on about the founders is that, given the social structure of their time, they were revolutionaries who brought liberty into a world where it hadn’t existed, to everybody — not all equally instantly — and it was their progress that we need to look at,” said Rounds, whose website identifies him as a Vietnam War veteran of the Air Force and FedEx retiree who became a lawyer in 1995.

Let that sink in. We want to tell the truth about our country’s history. But the truth is only whatever these clowns want to tell. “Truth,” then, is a purposely distorted view of history that leaves out parts the Tea Party doesn’t even contest are false. In the same breath where they whine about distortions, they want to leave out key facts they acknowledge to be true. I have written about this before, and I’m glad Tennessee is continuing the grand tradition Texas began of dumbing down education for the sake of politics and ideology.


WW2 – The Golden Age of Propaganda – No. 8 by ~violinmerchant on deviantART

There is, of course, a difference between “facts” and “truth.” A fact is a universally accepted piece of evidence. Was JFK shot? Yes. Did the Founding Fathers have slaves while they wrote “all men are created equal”? Yes. Do Michael Bay movies almost universally suck? That’s a given.

“Truth” is what you make out of the facts, and the more facts you have, the better the “truth” becomes. It was once truth that the sun revolved around the Earth. We worked with the fact that sun moved through the sky and we didn’t feel we were moving. Eventually, we learned more facts and the truth become more complex, culminating with our current cosmological models.

If we cut enough facts for convenience, we can make any argument.

Jeffrey Dahmer was a great cook persecuted for his unorthodox lifestyle.

Bush developed a strategy that good troops into the Middle East and secured much-needed oil, helping American businesses.

Stephanie Meyer wrote a series of books praised by millions.

Newt Gingrich would be a great president because he is charismatic and women love him.

That last one, by the way, has also been argued.

I wish I could stop being surprised at crap like this. I wish I could say I wasn’t shocked to hear that someone wanted to stifle actual education and replace it with a political agenda. The sheer blatant lie, the fact that the Tea Party wants to lie about history and is up-front about it because they don’t like what actually happened, shouldn’t shock me like this.

I guess that’s what I get for still having faith in my countrymen.

Let’s wash all that bad mojo with Liam Neeson fighting wolves. He truly can make anything ten times more awesome.

Jul 222011
 

He's smiling, but on the inside, he's dead.

July 22, 2011

I know I’m old because I say modern music and pop culture sucks. Then again, pop culture and music sucked when I was younger too.

On the other hand, I have fond memories of a few things. The late 90’s introduced me to the Red Hot Chili Peppers. I thought The Matrix, plot holes and all, was a pretty cool movie. I even thought Cowboy Bebop was a great addition to my home library.

And Looney Tunes has always been there for me. Bugs, Daffy, Porky, and the rest of the gang are there to remind me of simpler times, so when I was looking for short cartoons to use for writing class assignments, I obviously looked to my old friends.

And in the process discovered that Warner Brothers had castrated my beloved Looney Tunes.


Bugs Bunny Motivator by *Kiss-the-Iconist on deviantART

The new Looney Tunes Show is a pale, safe beige version of the old classics. And even my students, who had not really seen the old cartoons, agree. Let me explain.

Pop Goes the Duck

One of the greatest things about the old shows was the aptly named cartoon violence. Daffy Duck could get shot by a shotgun (or was it a rifle?) more than a dozen times and come out no worse for wear. He was a duck of steel. Explosions and weapons rarely did more damage than some burns and concussion. Characters were made of rubber. It was the kind of physical comedy the Three Stooges wish they could have accomplished.

The new stuff?

Well, the main conflict in one episode features Bugs and Daffy going on a game show and having fish thrown at them. Another has a flashback to Granny’s days as a spy during World War II and Nazis fire on her with machine guns.

Machine guns that could kill her!

Not only does the humor now require almost no physical comedy, but the little real danger is TOO real. There is no sense of disbelief. It’s become an animated equivalent to an action comedy.


Nazi Soldiers by !Eco-Flex on deviantART

The Thousand Lives of Porky Pig

Where does Bugs Bunny live? When does he live? Looney Tunes had the advantage of being set in multiple time periods and locations. One short, Daffy and Porky live in the time of Robin Hood. The next, they’re flying through space and trying to reach Planet X. This let the writers and animators go from full-blown fantasy to science fiction, modern settings, and a combination of the three.

The new show is quite blatantly set in the present. Bugs and Daffy live together. For all intents and purposes, it’s Jersey Shore: Looney Tunes. The characters have real problems and face social situations that would never come up in the old shows.

Worse yet, the writers wrote themselves into a corner by not making the characters what amounted to contract actors in the old shorts. They have to remain in the present. The anachronism stew from the old shorts is gone.


LT: Buggin’ by ~XtreamCrazy on deviantART

Bugs Bunny Has Balls?

In virtually every incarnation of 1950’s and 60’s cartoons, Bugs Bunny is fairly asexual. He is a trickster, but only when provoked. He is closer to a force of nature, a paragon of controlled chaos.

In the new show, he gets roped into going on a date with Lola Bunny, who in this incarnation is about as sharp as a basketball. He has to get pushed to the breaking point when Daffy tries to prove his friendship before he can act. And all of these situations get resolved… by talking or waiting them out.

Where’s the Bugs that solved his problems with DYNAMITE?! Where’s the Bugs that, when pushed, broke out the drag show and dropped people from five hundred feet in the air?

I want MY Bugs back.

Yeah, I’m old. Hollywood, stop taking your dirty little fingers and diddling my childhood. I don’t appreciate it. It makes me feel funny.


Who Killed Bugs Bunny by ~DaveAlvarez on deviantART

Nov 052010
 
 November 5, 2010  Posted by at 7:22 am News Tagged with: , , , ,  No Responses »

Guess who came home, decided to take a quick nap, then fell asleep for nine hours? Yeah, so the article won’t be up until later this evening since I have to teach in about an hour and a half and I still need to shoot the video for Kickstarter.

In the meantime, let me just say this.

Thank you.

Thank you for sharing links. Thank you for your kind comments. Thank you for supporting this work. I’ve spent years trying to be good enough so that I’d feel I could send things out with confidence, and what I’ve realized is that, well, I AM good enough. I don’t want to wait anymore. One way or another, Charcoal Streets will see the light of day.

And you guys helped make it happen just by reading this website. Thank you.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have two classes to prepare in one hour. And one cup of tea to get me through it.

Onward!

May 302010
 
 May 30, 2010  Posted by at 9:59 pm May Tagged with: , , , , , , , , ,  1 Response »

Robert Frost, bitches!

May 31, 2010

To the graduating class of 2010…

I’m sure you’ve already heard from your valedictorian, salutatorian, and your special guests. I’m sure you’re just as anxious as me to get out and party it up, but I have a few things I need to share with you.

First of all, I’d like to confirm a sneaking suspicion most of you have had. Yes, teachers talk about you. We joke about you. But we also brag about you. We talk about those “Aha!” moments and how good it feels to know you’re going out knowing more than when you came in.

funny graphs and charts
see more Funny Graphs

And since we’re being so honest with each other, I feel I have to tell you this.

The world sucks. I’m sorry to say it, but it’s not that vinyl sounds better. There used to be better music. You’re inheriting a country that is fighting a war on two fronts, has slipping educational standards, and in the past ten years has lost one major American city, the World Trade Center towers, and is now in the middle of an economic recession that could last for a while. To top it off, you got to spend the last few weeks of your senior year watching news of the biggest ecological disaster in American history.

I’ll be honest with you. We didn’t do so well. Nine years ago, I was right there cheering for Bush when we went into Afghanistan. It didn’t take long for me to change my mind. The world that we’re going to entrust to you is broken. Maybe you’ll fix it. Maybe you’ll make new mistakes to pass on to your children.

But you’d be a fool to think you can’t change things.


Change The World by ~Schwester-von-2 on deviantART

If you don’t make your choices, others will make them for you. Reject the idea of “destiny.” It’s just a fancy way of saying that someone else has an idea for your future that is somehow mandated by a higher power. Don’t confuse destinies with plans. A plan can end in various ways. A plan adapts. A plan can lead to better things and gives you control. A destiny is a dead end because, once you get to it, where do you go? Who do you listen to?

Look to the past for guidance, but look to the future for inspiration. You have the final say on any path you choose.


Destiny by *chavez666 on deviantART

I know most of your speakers have already quoted the Bible, but if I may quote another book, The Little Prince: “It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.” Reality is there. To neglect it is to live in folly. It’s one thing to hope for a better world, to dream, but it’s another to live in that dream and ignore the things that are right in front of you. Dreams are pauses in the day. They are not the things we do in our waking hours. However, do not neglect your emotions, your feelings, and the feelings of others. They matter. We can be irrational, but we must always remember that those little chemical reactions in our brain can do real harm or create true joy.

You will always hurt the one you love. There is no avoiding this ugly fact of life. You will say the wrong thing. You will make a mistake somewhere, forget some vital detail, give into temptation, or otherwise do something you never meant to do. And you will hurt someone you never wanted to hurt. This does not mean it’s over. The true test of any relationship is how you treat someone when he or she has nothing to offer but an apology.


Love Card by ~zer0p01nt on deviantART

Two things govern the universe: choice and chance. You have no control over chance. No one can foresee every event and plan ahead for every contingency. In the end, you are responsible for your actions… or inactions. What you don’t do says as much about you as the things you do. No matter how much you want to change the world, no matter how much you want to tell someone that you love them, and no matter how dearly you hold on to your beliefs… your actions will speak for you.

Act as you wish others to see you.

Live the life you want. Work with what you have, then look for more to work with.

Never start a fight, but always finish it… and make sure the idiot who started it remembers everything.

Be analytic, but don’t be heartless. Listen to your heart, but don’t give in to blind passion.

Now go out and do something. Class dismissed.

If you want to discuss your entry into the real world, there’s a forum topic for that.