Learning How to Spell: Part 2

Even if it's jibberish, work with it.

July 1, 2010

I recently talked with a friend over FB chat. Over various subjects including gaming, and a reminder that while my job may induce headaches it also makes a difference, he said he wished he could make something creative. He just didn’t have the time.

A legitimate concern… And so I gave some advice I’d like to share with those readers with a similar concerns.

“I’m not creative enough.”

“I can’t write.”

“I don’t have time.”

Poppycock, I say!

writer’s block by ~sfalco on deviantART

Buy a notebook, something small you can carry around in a backpack, purse, or on your person. I own a Moleskine notebook with no lines that’s perfect for doodles and random notes at any angle. Not only does the book have pockets and a band to keep the whole thing closed, but it’s very durable. They’re made with acid-free paper. As someone who spent the better part of his college life working in university and church archives, let me tell you that acid-free paper is a must if you want to keep things around for a very long time.

Plus, you’ll feel all nice and pretentious with a Moleskine. Try it!

Buy a set of pens. I prefer gel pens since I don’t have to press too hard on the paper to actually write, and when you get inspiration and just want to keep going, a gel-pen is salvation in plastic. Fine tips are best so the ink doesn’t run everywhere. Treat your tools well, folks.

I always keep at least two pens on me. And don’t lend pens. People tend to keep them. And I loves my pens… Loves them, I say!

Pens by ~heroleon on deviantART

And finally, perhaps the most important part of all…

Listen to people. Some of the best lines I’ve ever heard have come from people just talking and trying to think fast. I write these choice quotes in my notebook and often look to them for inspiration or at least a chuckle.

A few choice quotes:

“Kennedy’s not dead. He’s in Cuba with Tupac.”

“I’m too Mexican to be vegan.”

“Where are you going?”
“South Carolina.”
“…Why there?”

“You are so full of beans and your nose is growing.”

“She’s going to come in and growl! Like an angry mother seahorse!”

To a Homeland Security employee: “Is that bacon? I smell a pork-based product.”

“How did you sneak in here!?”
“I’m wearing sneakers. So I can sneak.”

“Fuck you, rainbow-cake!”

“I did some morally reprehensible things on Friday… but I enjoyed them.”

“You are a broken cloud.”

“The strip club reminded me you can’t buy happiness.”

“It’s important to talk about sex, religion, and politics, just not before you put on a condom.”

Any one of these lines could be the basis for a character, a story, maybe a drawing, a poem, anything.

I remember working in DC and having one of the legislative assistants lament that, despite how much he enjoyed his job, he wished he could create something. If you really want to make something, even if it’s just haiku, devote some time each day, even ten minutes. Build up. Break it down. Rework it until you’re satisfied.

Perhaps most critically, have an ego about it. You can’t try to make something and think it will be horrible. That’s for editing or revisions. As you work, listen to inspirational music or music appropriate to whatever you’re making. Keep telling yourself it will be incredible. Force yourself to finish it.

You can create art. All of you. It’s just a matter of the right tools and mentality. Now get to work.

Here linky, linky, linky…

  • Model Larissa Riquelme has said that if Paraguay wins the World Cup, she will run through the streets naked in nothing more than paint. If you weren’t excited about the world cup now, GET EXCITED!
  • Great news in sex, folks. Scientists are just two or three years away from releasing the male birth control pill. You only need to take one pill every three months and human trials start next year.
  • Did you know that if you have more than one earring per ear you are a DIRTY, DIRTY WHORE?! Me neither…
  • Wizards of the Coast released an article detailing the pitfalls of playing a “villainous” race like drow or gnolls. It’s quite funny in a lot of areas, including the apparent lack of respect the company’s D&D products have for gnolls. How many other player races get beaten up every over cover or drawing?
  • Christina Hendricks, patron saint of hawt redheads, gave an interview where she talks about self-esteem and body image among other things. Part of me wonders if she’s serious about being so shocked people think she’s hot because she’s curvy, but it’s nice to see that we’re moving away from the stick-figure ideal and going back to women with curves. Go, curvy women!
  • And finally, this may be the funniest commercial I’ve seen all week. So, who has a man that’s cooked a gourmet cake in a kitchen he built?

Thank You, Earth

You can tell they're evil sociocommunists because they're brown.

June 21, 2010

Most of humanity has spent recent days watching the World Cup and basking in the sights and sounds of this game. But not Glenn Beck. No, he’s too busy telling us the evils of progressivism and how soccer is really some sort of conspiracy against America. On top of that, he’s now made it abundantly clear that he’s an ethnocentric bastard by claiming, quite loudly, that soccer is a “loser’s sport” and “we’ve had enough from Europe.”

Really, Glenn? Nothing? I guess soccer has a way of bringing people together. It’s an easy game to learn and easy to play. Open field and people. That’s all you need. It’s a great way to share time and a love of a sport with others.

But we can’t have that, can we, Glenn?

Cooperation with other countries?! This is ‘merica! We don’t need no one, right?

To my European readers… I’d like to apologize for this megalomaniac. I know guys like this make us look like a bunch of xenophobes, but I’d like to also tell you that some of us appreciate the things you, Europe, have given us. And that goes for the rest of the world.

World, thank you for everything you’ve given us.

Earth by ~SGA-Maddin on deviantART

Spain, you gave us Serrano ham and Antonio Banderas. Robert Rodriguez wouldn’t have made one of the most awesome action movies of all time without him. You also gave us Pablo Picasso, a guy that made squares cool.

Japan, you gave us anime. Granted, I don’t watch a lot and if I meet another catgirl I may scream, but you gave us Cowboy Bebop and the music of Yoko Kano. You also gave us J-horror, and while here in America we’ve made our own weaker, diluted versions of films like The Eye, The Ring, and The Grudge, some of us still appreciate the classics, the originals.

Germany, without you, we wouldn’t have Nietzsche. We also wouldn’t have a standard for really great beer, bratwurst, and Fredricksburg, Texas, one of my favorite places in this state.

Canada, I’m still mad at you for Justin Beiber, but I’m willing to let it go because you also gave us Alanis Morissette and hockey.

England, not only did you give us the Shakespeare, Neil Gaiman (he’s ours now, by the way), and Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels and Doctor Who, but you gave us the Magna Carta, a document that paved the way for modern government.

life has presents too…. by ~PassionPourPoessie on deviantART

To the Middle East, you safeguarded science during the Middle Ages.

Latin America, you gave us chocolate, tequila, and Gabriel García Márquez.

Africa, you are the birthplace of humanity.

On behalf of my country, and those too blind to admit it, thank you for everything you’ve given us. Glenn, you’re the television equivalent of the vuvuzela. Heard by millions, and annoying like a fork in the eye.

Now for some links to clean out the ears.

  • A Southwest Airline employee found a box of human heads. Apparently, they were for medical research but weren’t properly labeled and, at least as of this writing, the authorities are still waiting to hear if the heads are REALLY for medical purposes. Eww.
  • I’m a PC user and have used Macs before, mostly for art classes, but I refuse to own one. I think this article lays out the case against Mac fanboys in a pretty succinct manner.

Divine by Zero: Ozzy Bleeds for Science and the Greatest D-Bag EVER

June 17, 2010

A lot of things will hopefully go down in the next couple of weeks, one of which I hope will involve me getting a full-time teaching position. If that’s the case, Randomology.org may suffer because of lack of time, so starting next week, I’m going to try something a little different. I’ll run shorter articles, maybe 300-400 words, six days a week and include 4-5 links to stories at the bottom. Not only will this make writing the website a lot faster, but I’ll get stories out that would otherwise get left behind.

Trust me, I have a lot of links and images I never get to put on here.

For this week at least, regular schedule will continue. I’ll see how this goes over tomorrow.

Fasten your seatbelts. It’s link time.

  • Megan Fox will be in the new issue of Interview magazine and she will be in a little bob cut. And she will be making out with herself. Sort of. It’s a mannequin designed to look like her. Still, if you’ll settle for that, check out the link.
  • That trailer a few DvB’s ago for a Mortal Kombat movie is looking more and more like a real teaser for a movie. The trailer for the new Mortal Kombat game finally came out and it looks nothing like the Saw-like gore-fest in the live-action clip. Here’s hoping the movie is as awesome as the new game also looks.
  • Anyone who saw Minority Report remembers those awesome computer interfaces that reacted to touch and movement. Check out how they were designed and why you can expect to have your very own hyper-futuristic computer in just a few short years.
  • Growing up in Mexico, I remember seeing a lot of playground that were rusted, or neglected, or otherwise unsafe. I didn’t care! They were fun! Danger equals fun! THESE playgrounds, however, would give most kids nightmares for a year.
  • I’m ashamed to admit it took me a good five minutes to figure out what was wrong with this house. How long will it take you?
  • Maxim generally runs quotes from the interviews with their models and try to appeal in the manly man in all of us with titillating snippets. Problem is… sometimes they objectify the women much more than they probably intend. However, some clever folks at Reddit have changed this and, well, “fixed” a photo to make it more appealing to THINKING men. Take that, chauvinism!
  • Ozzy Osbourne has done a lot in his life, from fronting one of the greatest rock bands of all time to showing us a family far more dysfunctional than our own. However, now Ozzy’s blood may help science learn how the body reacts to substance abuse.
  • And finally, a little encouragement for any girls thinking of batting for the other team, courtesy of the BBC. See you tomorrow!

Futbol: The Devil’s Game

The World Cup is a conspiracy to brainwash America into accepting foreign control... or something like that.

June 14, 2010

I don’t really care for soccer. I grew up in Mexico and it still didn’t get my attention. I like watching a game with friends once in a while, and the World Cup’s always fun, but I’m not a fan…

And now I have to go and defend soccer because conservatives in this country think it’s a plot against America.

That’s right, folks. Fasten your seatbelts. The crazy train is leaving the station.

Glenn Beck, C. Gordon Liddy, and Dan Gainor have all come out recently and spoken out against the sport because it’s not American, it’s played by the poor, and a host of other accusations. Apparently, it’s not enough to just not like something anymore. It has to be part of a conspiracy.

Conspiracy Psyduck by ~YTPArtist on deviantART

Soccer Incites Violence

Beck had a long rant about how the World Cup was a metaphor for Obama’s administration: The rest of the world likes it and America doesn’t. However, the striking part of this little number was his assertion that soccer is dangerous because fans riot and are violent. He says he’s never seen a baseball riot and can’t imagine people in the United States riot over their games.


Also, and this may just be that pesky math again, but since soccer is played globally, wouldn’t it make sense that they would have more violent riots than baseball or hockey? More games, more fans, higher possibility?

American Exceptionalism

Liddy feels that America shouldn’t have anything to do with the sport since it originated in South America. Gainor also seems to think that since soccer is so big in other parts of the world, including Mexico and other parts of the Americas, the World Cup and all its promotion is some kind of indoctrination for the eventual conquest by Hispanics.

That’s right. If we embrace soccer, we’ll be better set in 2040 when the Hispanics take over this country.

I’m not so offended by that last comment as I am the first part of Liddy’s argument. Soccer’s bad because it came from another country? Even if it was played with the head of a slain enemy in its original form, today’s version is played with a ball.

You know what else came from foreign countries?




Salma Hayek.

All delicious, all foreign.

Next argument!

Retouch: Salma Hayek by ~Dragellka on deviantART

Poor People Play It

…And? This has to be the dumbest thing said this week. Gainor’s assertion that soccer is played by poor people because they can’t afford equipment like bats, gloves, nets, and things to play other sports is stupid. And it misses the point.

This is one of the reasons soccer is so popular. You can play two on two, one on one, groups, whatever. Get an open area, a ball, and go wild. More complex systems don’t mean the game is any better.

How much time do you burn on games on Facebook?

Then you have the theory that introducing soccer to our children is just getting them ready for the “browning” of America. Because we play soccer in Mexico, you know? So when we take over, it will make the transition much easier.

Learning about and liking soccer will make us more comfortable interacting with other cultures because we will have something in common! The horror!


I thought I’d heard the dumbest conspiracy theories around. After the “two suns” incident, I thought I’d heard just about enough. Then again, I plan to read Beck’s novel and rip the plot to shreds. Then I go and read stuff like this, about soccer being some sort of conspiracy to take over our country or brainwash us.

I wonder how these people go through life without staining all their undies.

Divine by Zero: American History Through Boobs and the Dangers of Lesbianity

It’s been a hectic few days, but presentations are done, interviews are concluded, and I dove right back into the the internet…

By the way, nothing stings more than giving a presentation on the importance of writing and having one of the freshmen point out you misspelled something on the PowerPoint. I still ache.

  • Anyone following the World Cup and not paying too much attention might have missed a rather unfortunate abbreviation on the bottom of the screen.
  • NSFW: Playboy published an article where they look at the shape of women’s breasts over the decades and use them as allegories for their respective times. It’s actually kind of interesting. Oh, and there are boobs.
  • Did you know that lesbians walk among us? It’s true! And they seek to corrupt our women. This tongue-in-cheek video in the style of old 1950’s afterschool films shows how you can protect yourself from the perils of lesbianity!

  • I know Teabaggers have a tenuous grasp on logic and reality, but this guy is REALLY stretching to link Obama to BP. To be fair, though, his sign has correct spelling, but he butchered the punctuation.
  • I already mock Robert Patterson for the fact that he will forever be known as a sparkly fairy who thinks he’s a vampire… but this is just sad.
  • Behold! We have discovered perhaps the first recorder instance of “That’s what she said,” and Hitchcock caught it on film. Is there anything he couldn’t do?

  • And finally, I was reminded of why I voted for Obama when I saw this vid. I have a beef with some things he’s done in the last year, but overall, I still like him. And how he’s going to work with Jack Bauer and Batman to kick some ass. Are YOU an expert?