May 042012

It's clearly Photoshopped. There are no stars! (and if you need me to explain why that's so stupid, please consider why you can't see stars during the DAY)

May 4, 2012

Now that “Elves With Shotguns” is in the final stage of production and all I have to do is wait for RPGNow to approve the pdf for publication, I can finally sit back and enjoy the fruitful political and social discourse streaming through America’s media.

By that, of course, I mean foam at the mouth at the utter lack of comprehension at 3rd grade science. Three instances in the last few weeks have left me wondering why conservatives want to gut education since, besides a mountain of evidence that shows a strong public education would help our country, conservatives themselves show their own glaring ignorance of basic scientific concepts.

Limbaugh’s Concept of Science

Rush “Hindenburg of Sexism” Limbaugh is no stranger to denying climate change. He took it a step further recently when he claimed that global climate change created by human interference was a fraud because so many scientists agreed on it. It must be heard to be believed.

Here’s Rush’s argument. Science is not based on opinions. He has that part correct. No self-respecting scientist would agree with a new theory based solely on popular opinion. Here’s the part Rush left out: so many scientists agree with climate change because they have analyzed the data or otherwise performed their own experiments based on repeatable observations. That’s what scientific consensus means.

Scientists get behind a theory when a LOT of them can replicate experiments or verify that data and experiments were accurate. It’s not a popularity contest. By this logic, here are a few more things Rush must not believe in:

  • Evolution
  • The Big Bang
  • Geologic models of the earth
  • Gravity
  • The existence of extra-solar planets
  • Pi
  • The effectiveness of modern medicine

It does, however, reflect modern American conservative thinking: if there is evidence you are wrong, the evidence itself must be wrong.

abortion by ~marsmar on deviantART

Arizona Protects Imaginary Babies

The debate over abortion and taking away abortion rights is part of the larger war on women the GOP has been waging in recent years. Arizona also has the distinction of having some of the dumbest lawmakers in the country. Now that’s something to be proud of. This one, though, takes the cake.

From the Huffington Post:

Aside from banning all abortions after 20 weeks, defined from the date of the woman’s last period instead of conception except in the case of medical emergency, it will force women considering abortion because of fetal abnormalities to have counseling [sic], and for women having an abortion to have an ultrasound.

It also says the age of a foetus [sic] is “is calculated from the first day of the last [woman's] menstrual period.”

Got that? In Arizona, you can be legally pregnant before you conceive. It’s a Christmas miracle!

Aside from the morally reprehensible act of denying women a basic medical treatment that is legal in the rest of the country simply because one ideology is against it, let’s consider the ramifications of this, okay? A woman can now retroactively be considered pregnant when she wasn’t. This opens up a whole can of legal worms. If they’re so set on making sure the potential for life remains, why not make it illegal to have wet dreams while they’re at it?

Seems as logical.

Bill Nye funny by ~Irish156 on deviantART

Bill Nye vs Texas

Bill Nye is one of my childhood heroes. The man made science fun and he’s been going and teaching for years now. The man will become a legend in his own right.

But Texas doesn’t like him. In fact, it seems Texas doesn’t like science.

Nye was in [Waco] to participate in McLennan Community College’s Distinguished Lecture Series. He gave two lectures on such unfunny and adult topics as global warming, Mars exploration, and energy consumption.

But nothing got people as riled as when he brought up Genesis 1:16, which reads: “God made two great lights — the greater light to govern the day and the lesser light to govern the night. He also made the stars.”

The lesser light, he pointed out, is not a light at all, but only a reflector.

At this point, several people in the audience stormed out in fury. One woman yelled “We believe in God!” and left with three children, thus ensuring that people across America would read about the incident and conclude that Waco is as nutty as they’d always suspected.

Yes, folks. It appears that pointing out the moon does not glow, a fact we can prove because we have PICTURES TAKEN ON THE SURFACE, is now an affront to Christians. Let me tell you something… if your beliefs are so fragile that having someone call out a two-thousand year old document that uses poetry to describe the world as being a two-thousand year-old document that uses poetry to describe the world… you need help.

And Bill Nye, I know I wasn’t there, but being a resident in this state, I feel I should apologize. Please come back. We have beer and brisket and Mexican grandmothers that know how to cook.

And now, let’s enjoy a trailer for a horror movie that actually looks interesting. See you Monday, and stay tuned for more updates and news on Randomology Games and the upcoming “Elves With Shotguns.”

Apr 172012

Show here? A typical school where creationism is a viable theory.

April 18, 2012

Let’s make a deal, conservatives. You get to teach religion in science class when liberals get to teach science in church. You get to preach creationism if we get to come in and explain the inaccuracies of the sun standing still, a world-wide flood, and a six-thousand year-old planet with sentient life.

Tennessee has what it calls an “academic freedom bill.” They want to make sure teachers have the freedom to teach and question, to make sure children are exposed to new ideas so they may have a well-rounded education.

Sounds good. Except for the part where everything about it is actually an attempt to teach creationism in public schools. Let’s break this down.

Creationism Disclaimer by ~muxis on deviantART

The bill specifically mentions “biological evolution, the chemical origins of life, global warming, and human cloning” as theories and concepts that need to be analyzed and questioned. That should already make alarm bells start ringing in your ears, but here’s the kicker: the bill was based on legislation drafted by the Discovery Institute. This is a group that’s been pushing for intelligent design for years and, time after time, it gets its hide handed back to it by judges who know what they’re doing.

This bill, though, is intelligent design wrapped up to look like “freedom.”

It’s the same call of “freedom” that the 1% wants when it insists it can’t pay its fair share. It’s the same “freedom” libertarians want whenever they say they want to get rid of social programs and regulations in the name of ideology. It’s the same freedom espoused by racists when they claim they want to right to treat others like crap.

A science class is a place where facts are shown and theories discussed. It is a fact that the Earth has been getting much warmer than previous centuries. It’s also a fact that the geologic formations on this planet required billions of years to form. The theories that explain these observations are based on decades of investigation. To throw them away and put them on the same level as unproven, unscientific theories based on religious teachings is to put science on the same level as the guessing game involving a jar of jelly-beans.

Frankly, I thought Texas and Arizona were tied for “Most Willfully Ignorant” states. Arizona is already going to teach the Bible as it pertains to science. Looks like it’s a three-way race now, folks!

And now, let’s all bask in the glory that is the King of Pop versus the King of Rock.

Oct 072011

For science!

October 8, 2011

If there’s one thing I hate as much as I hate sloppy or lazy writing, it’s the inability of some people to grasp BASIC science. Things like the definition of “theory” or the scientific method, for example, are not so difficult that you need a doctorate to understand. We teach them to kids, so they’re obviously simple enough, right?

Enter Robert Bryce, a man who can’t seem to tell the difference between experiments and the gum he stepped on.

He wrote an article for the New York Times where he attacked green initiatives, clean energy, and environmentalism. He went so far as to say that, even if we knew carbon dioxide and greenhouse gases were harmful (they are), what can we do? We’re making more and more useful energy-draining devices. Emissions are down. What else are we supposed to do?

Past all the willing blindness to reality, however, is this little gem of a sentence. See if you can spot where Bryce shows us he’s replaced his brain with assorted change and dull spoon.

The science is not settled, not by a long shot. Last month, scientists at CERN, the prestigious high-energy physics lab in Switzerland, reported that neutrinos might—repeat, might—travel faster than the speed of light. If serious scientists can question Einstein’s theory of relativity, then there must be room for debate about the workings and complexities of the Earth’s atmosphere.

What exactly are neutrinos, anyway? They’re an elementary subatomic particle like neutrons and electrons. However, neutrinos have no electrical charge and are only affected by the weak sub-atomic force. They’re also TINY. If an electron is the mass of a battleship, a neutrino is the size of an apple. This means neutrinos can pass through ordinary matter and we would never know unless we’d developed EXTREMELY sensitive equipment to verify theoretical models. In fact, that’s why, as you read this, you’re getting hit with something around one quadrillion neutrinos emanating from the sun. And no, that’s not a typo. That’s a 1 with 15 zeroes after it.

As for traveling faster than light, that’s a bold claim. Nothing can accelerate past the light barrier, but some scientists think matter might exist on the other side. These little darlings are called tachyons and do not violate Einstein’s theory because they did not ACCELERATE past light. They already started on the other side. It gets into really funky science after that, but the point is that the numbers on paper say tachyons MIGHT exist.

Did CERN find neutrinos traveling faster than light? Well, it’s doubtful.

Neutrino by ~egehlin on deviantART

But let’s go back to Bryce for a moment. He says that scientists reported on an anomaly that may show regular matter traveling faster than light. This, he says, means we should question climate science as well, right? If we can question Einstein of all people, we can question Al Gore and his silly little movie, right?

Well, yeah, he’s right. Except he forgot the second and third parts of his logical argument.

We can question Einstein and we can question climate science. Questioning something, however, does not equate into proof that runs counter to what the established theories state. In other words, if I went out and I said I ran an experiment in my own home to see if carbon dioxide causes warming and it showed the gas did nothing, that would not b e evidence climate change is not real. That experiment would be dissected by the scientific community and I would have to show how my new data explains the currently observed behavior or greenhouse gases.

Coastal Storm by ~shear-atmos-fear on deviantART

And here’s the kicker. Just because we have a debate, it does not mean there is a legitimate second point of view. When creationists try to claim that their point of view is legitimate because not everyone believes in evolution and people question Darwin, it does not mean the creationists are right. You have to show verifiable data. And do you know what happens to all that “data” creationists put in to defend their views?

It gets put through the scientific peer review process and is usually found to be lacking, a fluke, or fabricated.

Likewise, the claim that neutrinos traveled faster than light is being looked at by other scientists. It may turn out to be that equipment was faulty or someone forgot to carry the one. If it can be repeated, then we have to look at the underlying theory.

You can question climate science, Bryce, but that doesn’t mean you have a point. It just means you flunked middle-school science. Oh, and fifty points to anyone who tells me the joke in the title.

And now, here’s a short documentary of the Aperture. They build the future so we don’t have to.

Jun 222011

It's funny because... actually it's not funny.

June 22, 2011

Okay, I need to address something about Ryan Dunn’s death.

He did it to himself and no, I will not mourn him, especially since he took a life in the process of ending his own.

And this wasn’t even a sudden accident. Dunn had a history of DUI’s and posted pictures of himself drinking before the accident. He drove his car at over a hundred miles per hour and had to be identified by his tattoos. The car was a wreck that could only be identified as a car because it was on a road.

Roger Ebert and R. K. Milholland both wrote about the death and made no attempt to hide their contempt for Dunn, though Milholland used more dark humor than the former. Both have gotten a lot of flak for it on Twitter and elsewhere.

And So, It Goes by ~PsychoMonkeyShogun on deviantART

Ebert made a now infamous tweet where he said, “Friends don’t let jackasses drink and drive.” Granted, at the time of the tweet, it was unknown if alcohol had been involved, but the pictures of Dunn made it clear that alcohol was involved. No one sobers up that quickly. Milholland, on the other hand, should be well-known to anyone with a sick sense of humor. If you don’t read his comic, look at the first comic ONLY, and if you laugh, you get it. If you think it’s sick, well, the internet is not for you. If you were entertained, good for you. Keep reading. That online comic kept me sane for many years.

And Randy, if you’re reading this, you’ve been an inspiration for a long time. Keep it up!

Sarcasm 5 by ~applebutter180 on deviantART

Here’s what this rage over the comments boils down to. A man known by millions got lit like a German Christmas tree and crashed his VERY expensive car, killing himself and another human being.

I have contempt for Jackass, which is how many knew Dunn. I think it’s nothing more than a bunch of guys acting stupid to get attention, that it’s the widely-distributed version of self-inflicted pain Youtube videos. Don’t get me wrong; I love watching people get hurt on Youtube, but I do so with the understanding that said people were trying to act cool or do something stupid and ended up paying a physical price for it. I don’t look up to them or care for them. That’s what makes it funny. If someone purposefully hurts him or herself in an attempt to get attention, well, they’re a ja-

Nah, too easy.

Comedy occurs when someone whom we don’t care for is hurt. Mel Brooks himself said it best. If any one of you actually thought Dunn was funny and if you cared for him, you would not laugh at him for Jackass. Did you laugh? Then you didn’t care, so stop complaining.

Translation? If you act stupid and get hurt, expect me to laugh at you not because I think you’re a comedian, but because you’re an idiot.

DDD don’t drink and drive by *fabioricci on deviantART

If Dunn had been the only person killed a few days ago, yes, I’d probably mourn the loss of an irreplaceable human life, regardless of what I thought of his career. I’d be right there with Johnny Knoxville and the others.

But Dunn killed a man.

Said passenger should have known better, but Dunn was the one who drove and Dunn was the one who wrapped his car around a pole and burned both men to death.

Ebert and Milholland are right. They were a bit more… creative with their reactions, but in case you don’t follow me on Facebook or Twitter, here was my reaction, date June 21st, 1:28 PM Central Time:

Ryan Dunn died while driving drunk after twitting a pic of himself drinking for several hours. His car was a twisted wreck since he was driving at triple-digit speed. Reports say he killed at least one other person. Yes, it’s a tragedy. No, I do not feel sorry for him. If the world was fair, he would have been the only one to die. Idiot…

If you don’t like someone pointing out another person’s stupidity and the utter waste of life, get off the internet. I’ve lost enough people in the last ten years… hell, the last ten MONTHS, to qualify me for horror-movie survivor status. I will gladly acknowledge that some of my loved ones had their faults. Everyone does.

But none of them killed a man in the act of inadvertently taking their own lives.

If you can’t accept that fact, if you can’t even listen to someone else RIGHTLY criticize a man for taking a human life in the process of ending his own, stop reading right now.

If you’re still butt-sore and want to vent some rage, I recommend you wear a lead jock strap and get a kryptonite ring before you post anything.

I’m scrappy.

Ryan Dunn Portrait by ~sheriksillo on deviantART

And if you want to wash the taste of internet rage from your brain, here are some links to numb the brain and waste your time.

  • Jackie is already pretty bad-ass for performing his own stunts. I think it’s more bad-ass that he trained a fish. Yes, he did. There’s video.
  • How do you solve global warming? Like this. DARE YOU FIND FAULT WITH HER LOGIC!?
  • And finally, Weird Al released his video for his parody of “Born This Way.” It’s called “Perform This Way.” It’s… creepy to say the least. Enjoy, and I’ll see you on Friday.

Jan 282011

You can also poop in public and kill to acquire a mate.

January 28, 2011

Did you ever wonder when it was acceptable to eat your own young?

It’s pretty much a given that Tea Partiers are going to say some really, really, really, stupid things. I just expect it by now. Republicans have been denying global warming and human-influenced climate change for years, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone try to use science like a cheap two-dollar whore like this.

If you’re unfamiliar with Michele Bachmann, she’s a Republican Congresswoman from Minnesota. She’s also a Tea Party darling and is the Founder of the Tea Party Caucus in Congress. And guess what? She thinks global warming is a hoax! Shock and awe!

Going Green by ~DoveLamore32 on deviantART

If you don’t know the difference between climate change and global warming or why there is no reason to believe either is false, I’d like to point you to this page that explains it in detail. Basically, humans have been pumping greenhouse gases for almost a hundred and fifty years and have caused the earth to significantly warm. This warming then led to overall climate change.

And what is Bachmann’s silver bullet? What is the key piece of information she’s using to debunk the fields of geology, meteorology, and biology?

The kind of common sense typically reserved for mentally challenged poodles. Behold the best the Tea Party can throw at us.

Bachmann’s entire argument is that carbon dioxide is natural and so pumping it into the atmosphere cannot be harmful. Since plants use it, it’s found in our bodies, and it’s a part of the circle of life, it’s a harmless part of the world and doesn’t hurt anyone.

…I think my IQ dropped 50 points while listening to that.

Okay, so “natural” equals “harmless”? That’s the logic used here. Let’s go over a few more natural things and see if this applies.

Hey, are you hungry? Do you have a newborn around? Just eat it! Seriously! This kind of thing happens in nature all the time. A mother gets hungry and, lo and behold, the newborn young are just made of tasty, tasty, meat. It’s a modest proposal, sure, but hey, if it works for the animals and it’s natural, it must be good, right?

Cannibalism by ~Akatsuki-Zombie on deviantART

What about nuclear fusion? That’s the process that keeps the sun hot and makes it possible for life to exist on this spinning rock of ours. It’s the most natural, abundant source of energy in the universe. And, for some reason, we keep using fossil fuels. Fossil fuels are unnatural! Fusion is where it’s at! Not trying to attain thermonuclear fusion is immoral!

You know, no creature besides humans has a written language and art. Language and art are unnatural! That’s right. Art and the written worked are the creation of a mind so far removed from natural impulse that the only explanation is the devil’s hand. Repent! Repent!

Smallpox was a perfectly natural organism. Sure, it killed hundreds of millions of people and caused untold suffering, but it was natural. Nature made it and it ravaged the globe. And we killed it. We are destroyers of God’s creation!

Global Warming Poster by ~crooklyn2108 on deviantART

Arsenic! That’s another natural thing, right? It’s even touted as a newfound building block in certain types of bacteria. That means it’s safe, correct? According to Bachmann logic, it should be as safe as drinking a bottle of Evian. Since it’s natural, it should be as good for you as a Tony Horton-approved trip to Whole Foods, right?

No creature on Earth makes art or has a written language. It’s an abomination. deviantART is an affront to God and Man! All literature and poetry are the blaspehmous ramblings of mad devils living in your brain!


If Bachmann’s numbers are right, if the percentage of carbon dioxide is a fraction of a percent… maybe she’d like to tweek her DNA just a fraction of a percent. Then she’d look like a monkey. And her physical form would match her reasoning skills. You know, if a rock massing just a million thousand tons (a tenth of a millionth of a trillionth of Earth’s mass) struck our planet, even if just dropped and allowed to hit at terminal velocity, it would equal 360 tons of high explosive. That’s a pretty big bang. It would be even bigger if it was moving at your average doomsday-asteroid speed.

Okay, now I’m being snippy, but I think I deserve snippiness. Bachmann is using an argument so utterly stupid that an eight-grader could destroy it. Just because something is “natural” or “unnatural” does not make it good. What and how it contributes to our world make it moral or immoral.

In short, The Tea Party’s stupid, climate change is real, and nuclear fusion rocks.

global warming by ~endlesshate on deviantART

And now, in honor of Mrs. Bachmann and her conservative crusade, I present to you links designed to show you the depths of sleaze and carnality.

  • The T-Rex, previously turned into a feathered pansy, is back! It’s the same killer we remember from Jurassic Park.
  • Roni River, an Israeli photographer, shunned turning the camera on herself for a long time. When she finally did, she shot some erotic, personal, and very beautiful images. She took one image per day for a year. The results are some of the most gorgeous images of the human body I think I’ve seen a modern photographer capture. Is she supermodel-gorgeous? I think so, but she’s no waif.
  • And finally, it looks like God gave a press conference to answer some burning questions. Find out the meaning of life by checking out the video, and I’ll see you all on Monday. Also, don’t forget to keep spreading the word about this site and Charcoal Streets. Laters!