Star Wars Makes You Gay?

After Don't Ask, Don't Tell got repealed, many of the Empire's finest felt comfortable coming out.

January 30, 2012

A long time ago, in a Galaxy far, far away, Star Wars had more humane marriage laws than we do in modern America.

And the Right is not happy.

It seems that Star Wars: The Old Republic, the latest Star Wars video game, will allow players to enter into homosexual relationships as part of the plot. That’s great! In a modern world where many young people have embraced the idea of gay marriage and gay relationships, it makes sense to give that part of the fan base and population an opportunity to be themselves, even if it is in a world of turbolasers and lightsabers.

Of course, you know what this means?

Star Wars is going to make your kids gay. I know, I know. But now, to my eternal delight, someone has summoned the poor, innocent children. Won’t someone think of the children?!


Can I? by ~NoctisLiberi on deviantART

By the way, the group that is protesting this? It’s the same group that called for a boycott of Girl Scout Cookies. The Family Research Council really has a knack for going after things that are trying to help children or just provide entertainment. I love how they’ve got their tighty-whities in a knot over the possibility of kids seeing a digital gay couple that won’t be able to do anything besies announce its gay and they don’t bat an eyelid over the fact that, in a Star Wars game, starships filled with hundreds or even thousands of people get blown out of the sky on a regular basis. There’s also the little fact that you can have a high Dark Side score by committing questionable acts.

Like murder.

This is what I love about anyone spinning like a top over something like a gay character in a game somehow corrupting the youth. Said critics never seem to be worried about the MASS MURDER going on in video games. It might be the sci-fi aspect, and it’s not like people didn’t complain about killing and guns in games like Grand Theft Auto. But add sex to the equation?

It’s like yelling Frau Blücher. Somewhere, a horse is going to bray.


Star Wars Funnies: Han Solo by *kevinbolk on deviantART

We live in an interesting culture. We can show Starship Troopers on TV and no one bats an eyelid when humans get mangled and torn to bits. Have someone say a curse word or show a boob?

Heathens!

All I’m saying is…

Actually, I’m not saying anything. Let’s just point at the Family Research Council and laugh at them for wasting time trying to warn us of the gender-bending dangers of Star Wars.

And now, let’s watch a sleeping dormouse and start the week off with something cute.

The War on Halloween

Yeah, that's me in Joker make-up. I made the paper, too! For non-criminal reasons!

October 25, 2011

As if the stupid War on Christmas wasn’t enough, Fox now thinks there’s a War against Halloween. I guess pulling out of Iraq left them wanting combat of some sort, so let me indulge them.

The Fox story goes something like this. Schools are banning Halloween celebrations because they don’t want kids eating candy and they want to not exclude anyone who doesn’t believe in the celebration, i.e. immigrants. But allow me to let Ren and Stimpy here to say it far more stupidly than I ever could.

This, of course, ignores various points. Let me go over them rapid-fire style.

The schools are banning candy to help kids eat healthier.

The celebrations are not being banned. They’re being moved to after-school so the parties won’t disrupt classes.

Likewise, kids can still wear costumes, but so as not to distract from valuable class time, the kids may wear the costumes after school.

Some of the kids cannot afford costumes because of tough economic situations, and this led to hurt feelings and isolation. Worrying about other people’s feelings is NOT a liberal conspiracy. It’s called basic human decency.

Now let me get to the one major point of contention for me.


Dia De Los Muertos by ~Mastowka on deviantART

Immigrants are offended by Halloween? If anything, I think Halloween is TAME by the standards of most immigrants. Take me for instance. I come from a culture that doesn’t celebrate Halloween, but instead has a holiday where we lay out altars dressed in food, flowers, and booze so the spirits of our dead relatives can visit us. We INVITE the ghosts in. Little Timmy in his Situation costume? Lame. We deal with real ghosts.

Represent!

The only reason I can assume an immigrant would be offended or feel left out by Halloween is if he or she did not know what it was. Seeing things like spirits and magic treated like a kid’s game might be offensive to some who hold on to beliefs that treat them as real, and I’m sure a lot of pagans and Wiccans take offense to things like the portrayal of witches. The celebration’s spread around the world, though it’s only here in the States that it seems to have attained the kind of holy reverence once reserved for Christmas. Halloween is not some sacred rite here. It’s a fully commercialized day where kids get hopped up on sugar, get to play dress-up, and women are made to dress like pseudo-hookers.


cute halloween by *pronouncedyou on deviantART

War on Halloween? Please. If we immigrants are somehow tainting the purity of this Americanized pagan harvest observance, it’s only because we know what the season is really about.

And now, in an effort to make you think nothing but good thoughts, here’s Michael Winslow doing Led Zeppelin with only his sound effects and a guitar. This is the sound of pure, distilled awesome.

The Subtleties of the Student Body

It's not mean if it's true.

July 6, 2011

Wow, that title sounded way less pervy when I wrote it.

I started teaching middle schoolers yesterday and let me tell you something. Standards have dropped in a few departments: manners, common sense, and subtlety. Don’t get me wrong, though. Most of the kids were great. They were excited, they shouted their answers, and they took their notes. I had a handful that felt my classroom was their personal playground and I was a glorified babysitter.

Oh, the ignorance of youth.

They learned that I’m a pussycat. They should meet my mom.


Mean professor .. by *mat3jko on deviantART

I did notice something that I’d known subconsciously for years, but I really got to observe as I watched them do an assignment. Their body language tipped me off to which kids would be trouble from the very beginning. These were the things that I’ve seen students do time and time again.

Future teachers or current students, take note.

When answering a test, a student will hold on to the pencil or pen at all times if he or she is engrossed in the task. You hold on to a pen when you‘re ready to write, and most people generally want to write the answer as soon as possible. Putting the pen down takes time away.

Watch the legs. Legs bent under the table and bobbing up and down signify stress. Legs outstretched for long periods of time mean relaxation. Students with legs outstretched aren’t taking your lecture seriously and aren’t engrossed.

When we’re young, we tend to suck our thumbs or otherwise fiddle with our fingers. I twirl pens in my hand when I think or get nervous. Likewise, every student that chewed a pencil or otherwise twirled something was thinking about something. The only five that didn’t were occupied with something else, talking, or just looking around.


Sherlock’s Violin by ~delfinmichelle on deviantART

Seating is key. The front rows were full. The kids who want to learn or at least hope to get something out of it go to the front. The second row was likewise full, but the third row was mostly empty. The last few rows had the rest of the students, and, combined with the aforementioned mannerisms, I quickly pegged the ones I would have trouble with.

And I was right.

Long story short, I took away one kid’s chair and made him stand. Hey, if he’s not mature enough to use a chair properly, I can’t very well trust him with it, can I?


Blind Justice 2 by ~JonnySnakeSeven on deviantART

Divine by Zero: Fourth of July Spectacular!

July 5th 2011

As we all know, yesterday was the day we celebrate the Founding Fathers abolishing slavery, standing up to evolution, and ending communism. Or something like that. I don’t know. I’ve been looking over Bachmann and Palin quotes.

Anyway, let’s go over a few things hot on the internet and news cycles and see if we can find a few items of interest.

  • Fox News is, for better or worse, one of the mainstream media outlets. However, a few journalists have uncovered the secret 25-year-old plank for Fox News, a plan set in motion back in the Nixon Era. The bad journalism and the blatant slant and spin? It’s not an accident…
  • And finally, let’s look at a few people who do not know how to practice safe fireworks habits. See you tomorrow!