Bewitched and Beffudled

Are you a good witch, or a bad witch?

September 22, 2010

Christine O’Donnell may be the true spawn of Sarah Palin.

Seriously. This is a woman who’s made some very creative statements in the past several years, and now has become the Fox darling for a senate seat. It’s frightening that so many right-wingers are singing her praises and ignoring her, well, interesting opinions.

Did I mention she believes scientists are creating mice with human brains? Check out the link above.

One comment that’s brought her a lot of criticism, however, is her claim that, in high school, she dabbled in the occult and even had a date on a satanic altar. Check out this clip:

Okay, I’m not a pagan. I’m not a Wiccan. I’ve never participated in any religious ceremony that required me to be skyclad, and even I know what’s wrong with this picture.

Conservative Christians have a picture of witchcraft that differs greatly from the truth. In fact, what O’Donnell is describing above is so far from what a real witch would do that it’s laughable. It’s like claiming you’re really Mexican by saying you love Taco Bell.

Yeah, it’s like that.

Wicca by ~master-of-distortion on deviantART

Ten Thousand Flavors

It’s hard to really explain witchcraft since there isn’t anything like a unified set of beliefs or rules. Modern witchcraft is called many things by its practitioners. Some call it Wicca, others paganism, neo-paganism, or any number of things. Some take offense to certain names. Others claim theirs is the real faith.

Whatever. This isn’t a thesis on the subject. It’s an explanation of why O’Donnell has not and will never know witchcraft when she sees it. Let’s just get that out of the way. This is the five-minute primer.

Witchcraft ≠ Satanism

I already went into detail on everything that people usually get wrong when they talk about Satanism, but let’s recap. Overall, Satanists believe that the Devil, Satan, is a figure to emulate because he fought against the greatest power in the universe, God, and showed the power of individual thought. Most Satanists favor the kind of life where your own personal choices matter more than what some religion, any religion, says. That’s Satanism.

A Plot Hole the Size of a Buick

Here’s the point, though: nearly every Wiccan, witch, or pagan, whatever you want to call it, will agree on one part of this story. No witch would ever, EVER, have a picnic on his or her altar. That’d be like a Catholic making a sandwich with the Eucharist. Or a comic book fan using Action Comics #1 for scratch paper.

Yes, I know who first appeared in that issue. Do you?

Even if what she really should have said was “Satanist” instead of “witchcraft,” no Satanist, no person of any actual faith, would use an altar for a picnic.

Unless, of course, said person was as thick as O’Donnell here.

wicca by ~kawaiiKitteh on deviantART

One thing is clear: O’Donnell has never been a witch, at least a witch by any stretch of the modern definition. What she describes sounds like the kind of hyped-up things some kids do when they want to piss their parents off. They find some website and think they’re invoking the Great Adversary when all they’re really doing is lessening the local cat population.

She can call it whatever she wants. It wasn’t witchcraft.

And if you’re a pagan, or a witch, or… whatever you want to be called, you should be livid at this smear. Any chance anyone out there can just turn her into a toad for real? No?

Okay. Well, look at that… has a new target.

And I play rough with my toys.

Wiccan Rede by ~Beautifullycursed on deviantART

Okay, let’s see some links!

  • Bristol Palin on Dancing with the Stars? And she strips and does what appears to be a satire of conservatism? Go on…
  • Ever wonder why college girls kiss other girls at parties? Someone actually went out and funded a scientific study to find out. The results are actually very interesting from a purely scientific point of view.
  • Why can’t people making a quarter of a million dollars afford tax rates like those we had under Clinton, as this one-man brain trust tells it, the rich have a particular lifestyle and they can’t afford to live anyway else. All I kept thinking while reading this was, “Oh, so you’re a snob and can’t be bothered to make sacrifices because you’re living at the very limit of your means? Got it.”
  • And finally, here’s a few more gems from O’Donnell. And yes, she really does believe scientists are creating mice/ human hybrids.