Guns, Bats, and Dingbats: Why the Right Can’t Talk About Guns

These are “tools” designed for “peace.”

December 11, 2012

There’s been a lot of gun talk recently since the murder-suicide of Jovan Belcher and the recent Florida murder of Jordan Davis by a Michael Dunn, who claimed to be defending himself from nefarious teens with loud music. In fact, maybe it’s me, but it seems that senseless deaths and massacres were the big gun stories this year. And now, of course, Fox has to go and offer their take on this very touchy issue. A lot of people on Facebook are also running to the protection of these defenseless firearms.

Let’s start with the conservative right-wing noise machine, though. It’s black people’s fault. I’m not even joking about this. Just take a look here. Also, check out the flippant way Gutfield here just dismisses kids being killed by guns as just gang members killing each other off.

Gun violence is an “urban problem,” just some kids in gangs shooting each other. Sorry, but that’s crap. Statistically, rural areas, especially in the south, have higher instances of gun violence than urban areas. Of course, whenever someone at Fox says “urban,” you know what they really mean. It’s the same position they had regarding welfare. The one where they said welfare was hurting the black community.

Oh right. Whites use more welfare than blacks. But never mind facts.

The conservative circle-jerk, though, got ugly when Fox suggested that female victims of violence should just make better decisions. The advice was not, you know, for men to stop being violent. Or for us to find the root cause of all this violence in our country. Nope. Blame the victim.

Behold.

This dribble from Fox would be offensive and rage-inducing enough, but I also saw something floating around Facebook over the last few days. Feast your eyes:

Wow. Yeah. Uhm, baseball bats?

Sorry, but no cigar.

Here are the real stats according to those organizations. You may notice that blunt objects account for a VERY small part of this and firearms account for more than two thirds of the total. The graph on Facebook uses some weird Martian math we humans haven’t perfected yet, but the bottom line is that guns help crimes. You want to talk about the Second Amendment and its role in helping citizens defend themselves? Wonderful, but don’t tell me bats kill more people than guns. Don’t tell me people go on mass batting sprees. Don’t tell me children get killed by not knowing how to use a bat.

First of all, a gun is a weapon, not a tool. A car is designed to move people and good from one point to another. Its status as a “killer” on that list is because people don’t properly use them. It’s intended purpose is transport. The same thing goes for a knife. Drug abuse and falls hurt the person too stupid to know what he or she is doing. Drugs, I might add, are also used for religious ceremonies in certain cultures. And many of the things on that list are ACCIDENTS. How many gun deaths are from accidents? How many are intentional? That’s another huge difference.

When properly used, a gun kills something. When improperly used, a gun kills something. It’s a weapon. See the difference?

If we’re going to have the gun discussion, we need to all be on the same page of reality. Stop talking about guns as though they were some holy artifact of American pride. A gun is not a tool. It is a weapon. Firearms have been involved in more deaths than any other weapon and our country has the highest homicide rates in the modern world. Areas with the most lax gun laws have higher homicide rates. Most NRA members support tougher gun laws, registration, and background checks, but the idiots at the top (including Ted Nugent) say “No” because if we can track guns and make sure criminals have a harder time getting to them, then apparently scary Obama and the communists will invade America.

Yes, there is such a thing as a responsible gun owner, but a responsible gun owner should also be aware of the damage that a firearm can do.  The bulk of the NRA knows this and wants tougher gun laws. Believe it or not, I’m pro-Second Amendment, but I’d like to make it harder for sickos to buy a thousand rounds of ammo before they shoot up a school. I’d like to know convicted criminals can’t get their hands on a Beretta. I want to know that if someone owns a gun, he or she is well-trained and continues to be well-trained. You have to at least be able to read a sign to drive a car, but apparently, asking for mental stability when purchasing an item that is strictly a weapon is a sign of fascism.

A gun isn’t a blanket. Stop clinging to it like a five-year old.

Man on a Mission (To Self-Destruct)

I’m going to listen to the Dresden Dolls until the pain goes away…

November 6, 2012

Politics, religion, and sex are the three most taboo topics in the world. That might explain some of the weird searches people use to get to this site…

I’d be lying if I said I felt really terrible for not posting as much the last two months, but the truth is that the website has really take its toll on me. Yes, it kept me writing. Yes, it’s been a blast hearing from all my readers, your wonderful comments on Facebook, Youtube, Twitter, everywhere. At the same time, it’s exhausting. The research, the cross-checking, everything.

I was in Washington during the last presidential election. I remember receiving the first batch of “Obama is from Kenya” emails at the office. I remember walking into the chief of staff’s office and asking if he’d seen this. The “WTF” look on his face as he realized these people were serious is something I’ll never forget. I asked, half-in-jest, if it was acceptable to write an email to send back to these concerned citizens and call them the frakin’ morons they rightfully should be called.

I was told to be as polite as possible. And I was.

But I never forgot how I had to sit there and write a letter that was the equivalent of telling a charging rhino to sit. The whole time, I just sat there and thought of what I really wanted and needed to say:

I’m sorry, I agree that you have concerns, but I can’t really say that you’re the biggest fucking idiot I’ve ever met since my job depends upon my boss making everyone happy at the expense of not showing any spine or actual conviction. However, I understand you like to believe reality is a big conspiracy against you and the scary black man is going to take away Jesus and apple pie, and while such a scenario is about as likely as me gaining the powers of the Q Continuum just because I’m bored, I have to hold your hand and tell you that you’re right. Why? Because while liberals may have mistakenly latched on to the idea of relativism, the Right took it even further and declared that reality itself is so subjective that tangible, verifiable facts do not matter if you believe strongly enough. They believe that they can change reality by simply stating a bald-faced lie. Sure, I’ve been working in this office for only a few months, but even I know that both sides stretch the truth, exaggerate, and so on. However, I would present to you the following analogy.

Both of us are asked how to better move a couch up the stairs. My side suggests getting a bunch of people together to lift it, move it over the railings, and getting a few people inside to maneuver it through the door. Unwieldy, sure, and perhaps inefficient, but at least it worked. Your solution? Empty a gun into the sofa and hope God pulls it up.

I’m sorry. I’m supposed to be tactful, right? Positive? Okay.

Dear sir and/or madam, I am quite positive you have a massive learning disability, possibly self-inflicted from years of watching Fox and listening to Limbaugh. But just because you’re offended, you’re not right. Just because ten thousand people say it, it doesn’t make it true. Dismissing science, logic, and maturity does not make you quaint and homey. It makes you a child.

But I’ll be nice to you. Because it’s mean to be mean to children. Unless they’re idiots and refuse to learn from their mistakes. You know what? Forget it. You’re an idiot.

I’m pretty sure that was the moment I decided to try to reach out and educate people, maybe get a discussion going. I know some people will never be swayed by facts and experience, but I’m thankful for the things I’ve taught and for the things I myself have learned.

But frankly, the last year has been exhausting. I’ll be glad when the election is over. I’ll be more glad when I can finally tell myself I’ve edited Charcoal Streets as much as it’s going to get edited.

Good night. See you tomorrow, and remember…

Stories don’t tell children dragons exist. Stories tell children the dragon can be beaten.

Macho Mitt and the Latino Vote

The man is about as compassionate as a hungry shark. And as understanding as a 1930’s Disney animator.

I’ve had it up to here with the Romneys and their condescending attitude towards Hispanics, Latinos, the working class, and anyone who wasn’t fortunate enough to be born with silver spoon up their nose.

And if I sound angry, it’s because I really am angry.

Let’s break this down, shall we? It really got going a few weeks ago when Ann Romney stuck her Prada in her mouth and tried to explain to Latinos why we weren’t voting for her husband. Then, Romney went ahead and dipped himself in Jersey Shore Juice before going on a Hispanic channel in an attempt to appear to be “one of us.” Then we have his now-infamous remarks from the 47% fundraiser where he jokingly claimed that being Mexican would be a huge advantage to him in this election.

During this week’s debate, however, they decided to load another bullet into the gun they’d just spent a month unloading into their own foot. Apparently, the reason they’re gaining a lead is because they’re convincing Latinos that Romney is more a tough, macho leader while Obama appears weak. This could also factor in to why Tagg Romney said he wanted to punch Obama after the president called Romney a liar.

As a Hispanic citizen and a first-generation immigrant, I would like to now address all members of the Romney family and campaign.

Ladies? Gentlemen? Dressage horses? Shut up. Just stop it. Right now. This instant.

There’s a reason Romney is polling thirty or forty points behind Obama among Latinos, and yes, the gap is closing, but that’s expected after a pair of weak performances on Univision and then the first debate. As was said wonderfully here, it’s not that we think Romney is white and rich and that’s why we don’t want to vote for him. We’re not voting for Romney because he talks down to us. Now, this latest set of comments from him and his son show just how he thinks he’ll win us over.

Not with proper immigration reform. Not by allowing the children of illegal immigrants a chance to become citizens. Not by addressing women’s issues. Not by supporting an economic plan that will help not just us but the whole country.

He’ll win by showing he’s more of a man and by posturing, by appealing to Hispanics’ love of “machismo.”

Look here, Mittens. Firstly, thanks for characterizing us as posturing machistas who need a fierce leader and shun signs of cowardice. In essence, we have the leadership requirements of Vikings. Or Klingons. Neither is too appealing.

Secondly, please don’t tell me you’re showing real bravado and strength as I’m sure you believe that we believe a man should act. A real man owns up to his mistakes. A real man values honesty. A real man accepts the consequences of his actions and learns from them. You are not a man. You’re a child who was cursed with wealth and a myriad of opportunities many of us will never know, but please, keep telling me how All Mighty-Whitey is going to solve my problems if I just shut up and vote against my own interests for a man who wouldn’t know “macho” if John Wayne himself stomped on his head.

Ann Romney to Hispanics: You Don’t Get It

I’m not saying Ann Romney is racist. I’m just saying she doesn’t seem to think Latinos are intelligent citizens who deserve equal protection under the law simply because of their skin color and heritage. (Photo by Gage Skidmore)

Author’s Note: I realize some people prefer the terms “Hispanic” or “Chicano.” I personally refer to myself as “Mexican-American” since I’m a first-generation immigrant. I know we all have our preference, but for the purpose of this article, I’m sticking with Ann Romney’s terminology.

Ann Romney is not running for office, but her recent remarks about the Latino community show the Right’s mentality on minority votes and, on a personal level, showed her contempt for people like me.

At a recent luncheon, Mrs. Romney went on about how Latinos need to understand that the GOP, and her husband in particular, are working in the best interest of Latinos in this country. She gushed over how much damage another Obama presidency will do to us and how we’re just uninformed about current issues and policies.

It’s us, not them, she tells us.

I like to think my arguments are better than just flinging insults or calling names, but I would like to vent a little steam before starting by saying that Ann Romney sounds like any abusive husband on a Lifetime movie telling his battered wife that it’s her fault she’s on the ground doubled over.

Let me explain. Ann Romney said:

“I spoke to women last night and I wanted women to understand how important this election is for their children. But as I was sitting backstage listening, I thought, it’s also very important that the Latino community recognize how important this election is for them.”

I like how she talks about women and mothers and that need to protect the family but seems to think Latinos don’t have those concerns or are somehow different. It sounds like nitpicking her grammar, but it actually makes sense a little later.

“And [Latinos] are mistaken if they think they are going to be better off with Barack Obama as their president. There really is only one way for prosperity, for small business, and that is, this is the simplest way I can say this: If Mitt Romney wins, America wins.”

Mrs. Romney’s assertion that helping small businesses is the best way to help the country falls apart for two reasons. Firstly, she assumes that corporate profits equal social prosperity. They don’t. The top earners in this country have had incredible success in the last several years, but the middle class hasn’t seen significant improvement in THIRTY YEARS. Small businesses are another matter. Yes, they could be doing better, but the self-serving nature of the Romney/Ryan plan is another case. It will hurt not just Latinos, but everyone.

It’s when Mrs. Romney starts talking about why Latinos are specifically deaf to the GOP that I start to put the pieces together.

“You’d better really look at your future and figure out who’s going to be the guy that’s going to make it better for you and your children, and there is only one answer… It really is a message that would resonate well if [Latinos] could just get past some of their biases that have been there from the Democratic machines that have made us look like we don’t care about this community. And that is not true. We very much care about you and your families and the opportunities that are there for you and your families.”

If I may, I would like to address Ann Romney directly.

Read the rest of the rant at Political Groove

 

Divine by Zero: Leia’s Sexy Again and Pinhead’s an Idiot

August 25, 2011

As I read through my Star Wars books and look for inspiration for this RPG we’re playing on Saturday, I can’t help but notice that the world continues to turn. Behold, the joys of internet surfing, wasting time, and everything you need to know!

  • You want something truly American? Joe the Plumber and Steven Segal. Granted, one’s a loon who made his mark with the Tea Party and the other is a washed-up action star with an ego the size of a small Pacific island, but still… It’s like pizza and beer.
  • Carrie Fisher has lost for than fifty months in the last nine months? Her goal? Getting back into the metal bikini. Seriously, though, she’s going it to help herself and she looks great. May the Force be her!
  • As I type this, Glenn Beck is in the Holy Land doing the Lord’s work… selling himself and his brand. No, really. If you’re a Christian and still think this whacko has ANY point on anything, please watch him hawk HIMSELF at his Jerusalem rally. He claims it doesn’t take a prophet to see the things he sees. Frankly, it takes brain damage to see the things he sees.
  • And finally, this has to be THE best commercial I’ve seen all year. Just watch it and try to guess what it’s selling.

Dirt Devil-The Exorcist from MrPrice2U on Vimeo.

Here’s Your Expiration Date

Whoops. You broke the freshness seal.

May 25, 2011

Would you like to know when you’re going to die?

Apparently, now science can offer you the chance to get a rough estimate of your lifespan. It looks like a series of blood tests can give you a pretty accurate range of how long your biological clock has before it stops ticking. It won’t give you the time and specific date, but you should know within a reasonable margin. It doesn’t of course take into account things like getting hit by a bus or a surprise ninja attack, but it does beg the question.

Would you want take the test?


Dancing with Death by =michellemonique on deviantART

I know my grandfather knew when he would die. He prepared. He had everything in order and did everything he wanted to do. Me? I don’t know. I guess there would be some advantages to knowing if I was going to go at fifty or a hundred and ten.

I could plan. I could make sure I gave myself enough time to do all the things I want to do. If I only had a few years left, I could easily put aside the money to take those trips I’ve wanted to take, and write every book I ever wanted to write. I’d make sure I left the people I loved with enough to get by.

Of course, there’s also the flipside. Let’s say my test shows I’ve got ten years to live. Ten years? There are not enough vices in Las Vegas for the kind of bender I’d go during the first weekend. I think most people, given the resources, would probably have one last hurrah.


Drunk by ~neotot on deviantART

Of course, all we have to do is see how people reacted when they believed the world was going to end this week. Some of them spent their last few months spreading the good word and trying to convince others to follow suit. Some wanted to make sure their pets were well-taken care of.

Death has a way of crystallizing your priorities. Do you want to be cremated or buried? Do you want your ashes scattered or kept in an urn or a mausoleum? What song do you want played at your funeral?

We’re all going to die. That’s a given. The real decision to be made is how we want to go out. Me, I don’t think I’d take the test. That ticking clock would be too much. I’d rather just live every day as though I have to accomplish something.

It’s better that way, I think.


Death by ~nakiEmina on deviantART

And now, to wash away the really depressing post, links!

  • This child has no gender. Well, it has one, but the parents are raising said child as though it did not have one. Gender is, after all, a social construction. Why not let the kid make his or her own decisions? I once had a sociology professor who, on a whim, dressed his infant son in a pink outfit and got really weird reactions from people who later found out said baby was male.
  • And finally, Danny Trejo is awesome. He is what Chuck Norris would be if Chuck wasn’t crazy but instead like that awesome uncle who used to run Black Ops in the jungle. Here’s a brief song to the man himself.

Apocalypse Wow!

Yummy!

May 20, 2011

Well, tomorrow is Judgment Day, folks. At least, that’s the claim by a fringe group that believes the End Times will start tomorrow with the Rapture, and culminate in the end of all things in October. If you’re a regular reader on this site, odds are you haven’t earned any special favors up above. So, in light of the impending End, let’s go over a few things we all can do once the saved are brought up to Heaven and we mere mortals are left with an empty Earth.

Start a Cult

Hey, the End is here, right? Might as well jump on the bandwagon. Millions will be left behind, and if you’re the sort of person that likes to have people listen to him or her, this is your chance to shine.

If you’ve got access to a fortified position, plenty of water, and food, you could easily attract looters of all sorts, but why not beat them to the punch by claiming to hear messages from on high and draw some easily-duped fools to perform your every whim? On this one, I’m a bit screwed since water’s already pretty scarce and I live in an apartment, but the rest of you that may live near lakes and rivers and have plenty of firepower can certainly try it out.

All you have to do is be vague enough to people believe what you say is prophesy. If it comes true, it’s divine inspiration. If it doesn’t, it’s a metaphor. Just make it work. Come up with some words and phrases you can all use to mark yourselves as different form the rest of the world. Don’t take crap from anyone and, if someone steps out of line, just threaten to give them to the cannibalistic hordes outside the compound walls.

This one’s for the ambitious, but for the rest of us…


Lady Apocalypse by *Fishbling on deviantART

Walk the Wasteland

If you have any survival instincts or even camping experience, you can certainly become a walker in the waste. Pack up whatever essentials you may need and start your trip through what will soon be the Empty States of America. You don’t necessarily have to walk, either. Grab a car or, for that extra apolalicious twist, a motorcycle.

Be classy about it…

Get plenty of weapons, food, and supplies. just think of it as a long camping trip. You only have to think a few months ahead, too. We won’t even make it to 2012 if these guys are right.

Personally, I’m all for going to raid the local Academy sporting goods store, stock up on the essentials, and take that cross-country trip I always wanted. Might as well see the sights before October when God himself takes it all back, right? It won’t be some wild, reclaimed landscape, but I’d like to see the major sites. Of course, this could lead to all sorts of shenanigans and adventures, too.

Yay for post-Apocalyptic hijinks!

Eat It Like It Makes You Immortal

We’re all going to kick it in a few months, right? Raid that grocery store and liquor store!  If you’re going to put on a few pounds or develop an alcohol addiction, this is the time. Why not spend the last few months in a haze of booze and sugar highs?

Personally, raiding the local Feldman’s and grabbing the $13,000 booze is going to be my goal once everything goes legs up. If I’m going to watch civilization consume itself in an orgy of violence and decadence, I’m going to need some good tequila.

On that same note, grab every movie and TV show you ever wanted to watch but couldn’t. You’ve got time now. I’m going to sit down and go through every season of the original Star Trek, all of Battlestar Galactica, and every Rifftrax I can get.

You’ll have to pace yourself, though. You don’t want to go through the whole thing in one sitting or you won’t be around for October’s big finale.

Play Like a Boss

Safety features? Rules? Why bother? Play the most violent sport you can find with a reasonable chance of survival. Russian Roulette is right out, but something like this might do:

Why not drag-race down the newly-abandoned superhighways? Bungee jump from the Golden Gate Bridge? Play golf in downtown Manhattan and paintball in the streets of LA? It’s all free game now.

Hey, let’s play polo, but with trucks! Hell, you could run the longest D&D game of all time! I’d be up for that. I’d run a game so long and complex that… hey! I could run the World’s Largest Dungeon! Finally, an excuse to stay awake for a week straight, then two more months!


Apocalypse by ~darkm4rk on deviantART

Grab a Nice Spot

Come October, everything will end. Do whatever you want in the next few months, but in the end, pick a spot with a good view. Most of your major hotels and office buildings will do. Get something that will let you look out into the world one last time and bask in the glry of creation before God comes down and pushes the Off Switch…

Or…

If you’re like me and have people you care about, people you love and love you back, make the most of this time.

It’s very telling whenever someone says the end is coming. If you think your end is near, that you will soon leave this world, your priorities change. You focus on the things that truly matter. Me? I’ll stay with the people I love, read the books I never got to read, and keep writing until I can’t. Then, I’ll throw one big party and watch the world go boom with them at my side.

Should be fun…


apocalypse by *c0rr0si0n on deviantART

And now, link storm to make up for paltry links on Wednesday!

  • If aliens land after we’re all gone, they may find that the amount of Mythbusters fan art may place the mustachioed one and the pyro-ginger as deities.
  • This week marks the anniversary of Jim Henson’s death. I actually learned English with Sesame Street workbooks and learned to love storytelling by watching the Muppets. Nothing will ever replace him, and I thought the world was going to end when Jim left us so many years ago…
  • And finally, as you watch the world end, how about listening to something appropriate? See you Monday, you Survivors of the Apocalypse.

Bin Laden Shot Kennedy!

Actually, he's chillin' in Cuba with Biggie.

May 11, 2011

Ah, conspiracy theories… They’re the bread and butter of the crazy. They’re the stories they tell themselves to make it seem as though someone, somewhere, gives a crap about them. These morons feel like they’ve been lied to, like they have been persecuted or insulted into believing a fabricated truth. I already spent an article last year explaining a few of my favorites, but with both Obama releasing his long-form birth certificate and the assassination of Osama Bin Laden, conspiracy theories are coming out like it’s pride week.

Let’s start, shall we?


Bin Laden is Dead by ~elementality on deviantART

He’s Dead, Jim?

You know birthers? Ever heard of deathers? They’re the people who don’t actually believe Bin Laden is dead. Since we don’t have pictures, they don’t trust that Navy SEAL Team 6 actually found and killed him. It seems that not even DNA evidence, which Steve Doocy dismissed as “numbers on a page,” will do.

And like we say with the birth certificate, I’m sure even if we did release photos of Bin laden’s body, deathers would claim the images were somehow manipulated. Just listen to Beck and Napolitano try and wrap their minds around the issue.

Catch that? We need the photos to prove he’s dead. But we can’t be sure they weren’t manipulated, so we can’t trust photos. But we want to see the photos to make sure they exist!

The problem is that Obama ordering and succeeding in the assassination of the most wanted man in America doesn’t jive with the Right Wing perception of a weak, cowardly liberal president. Liberals don’t do that, they cry out! So Bin Laden must still be dead!

It’s the only explanation.

Except that even Bin Laden’s people are confirming he’s dead. Oops.

It’s About Politics

Another theory, almost the opposite of the deather whackos, is that Bin Laden’s actually been dead for a long time. The theory is that Obama is only releasing the news now because he’s sagging in the polls. Let’s ignore that fact that his numbers haven’t actually changed in more than a year and aren’t bad by comparison with other presidents. Why keep it a secret? If this is the kind of thing that gets poll numbers up, why not release the announcement earlier?

Why not do it when, oh, I don’t know, half the conservatives in this country were up in arms about health care reform last year? And Obama didn’t exactly suffer from the whole Trump thing either. In fact, it’s made Trump seem even dumber than before.

The President Didn’t Want To Do It (Coup)

This one is one of the worst ones. Apparently, Obama knew where Bin Laden was hiding and didn’t want to go after him. Obama is, of course, a granola-munching liberal with no stomach for combat, so it only makes sense that the military overruled him and went ahead with the operation anyway.

Do you know what it’s called when a military official disobeys a direct order?

I believe it’s called a coup d’état. That’s right, we actually have accusations that the military went ahead without Obama’s order or otherwise acted without the Commander in Chief giving the order. Of course, the source turned out to be Pamela Geller, one of the most rabid, and untruthful, people on the right. She’s a birther, so that should give you on insight into her state of mind. And her source inside the White House seems to have more access to meetings, information, and terrorist intel that three seasons of 24.

Bush got Bin Laden!

Yup. Even though he’s been out of office for years, some on the Right are actually crediting Bush with the kill. Why? Well, he’s the one that got us into Afghanistan and Iraq. He’s the one that okayed the torture of enemy prisoners. He’s the one that had a presidency that was seven eighths war.

Except that if torture had worked, it would have worked much earlier. In fact, torture played a small, or no role, in this kill. Also, Bush actually disbanded the team that was hunting Bin Laden. Bush had no motivation to get him. Let that sink in. Bush is the one that got Bin Laden, but Bush is not to blame for the economic collapse even though his policies like the tax cuts for the rich are the direct causes.

Yeah…

In short, all these are attacks on Obama. And don’t think I’m 100% Obama, either. I have a LOT of complaints about him, but I can at least recognize when the man does something right. I mean, even the Dalai Lama thinks it was a good idea to kill Bin Laden. That’s like Mother Theresa calling you a dick. You must have had it coming…

No links today, but let me leave you with the speech I really wish Obama had given on this occasion.

Bin Laden and the Xanatos Gambit

Can we celebrate this?

May 4, 2011

My sister called me to her apartment. My fiancé and I don’t have cable, and she said Obama was about to announce that Bin Laden was dead. Mary and I rushed to her place and waited until Obama confirmed, without a doubt, that the man responsible for the 9/11 attacks was in fact dead, killed by a precision operation in Pakistan.

Right then and there, I felt two things. First, I was glad that the mass-murdering son of a bitch responsible for pushing us into a pseudo-police state complete with socially acceptable racism and fear that Big Brother is watching us finally got the bullet to the head he deserved.

Secondly… I caught myself for thinking that I was glad Bin Laden got a bullet in the head.


PWND Osama Bin Laden by ~6amcrisis on deviantART

Look, I remember the horror when the Twin Towers were hit. They wouldn’t let us have the news on for the first part of class that day and all I’d seen was the second plane hit live. When they finally turned the news back on, all we saw was a cloud of dust.

“Where are the towers? Where are the towers?”

I must have repeated it for a full minute before my brain finally accepted that they were gone.

I shut myself in my room when I saw that we’d invaded Iraq as one of my “friends” cheered for more bloodshed. I watched video on CNN that reminded me too much of the first Gulf War.

I worked in DC during the ninth anniversary of the attacks and could hear “Amazing Grace” playing from every office in the Cannon Office Building as everyone paused for the memorial at the Pentagon. It was the only sound you could hear through the tall halls of the Cannon House Office Building right by the Rotunda.


The Big Apple by ~jamesbaby286 on deviantART

And despite having pushed us into a world where air travel is a humiliating experience complete with full body scans, a world where Muslims are still persecuted for the actions of a few radicals, a world where a sizable percentage of my countrymen yearn for war and blood and we seem to be regressing, I don’t think I wanted Bin Laden dead. I wanted him on trial. When the victims are dead, those of us that stay behind must speak for them. I wanted him to spend the rest of his life in a cell plastered with the pictures of the men and women he helped kill and the servicemen and women who were killed or maimed because our leadership started two wars to try and capture him.

But not dead.

Still, I can’t say I didn’t cheer when I heard the news.


Osama bin Ladin, Finally Dead by =Mihaii on deviantART

Even though this may make things worse, for a moment at least, I feel a sense of relief. Yes, the revenge killings will probably come, but I feel a sense of closure, however bitter it may be. It’s like Bin Laden had this Xanatos Gambit where getting killed would show us to be revenge-drive lunatics like his own bombers and, if he lived, we would appear weak. Someone like him very likely had no intention of being taken alive. Whatever happened, we lost in the end.

Not that I don’t think he deserved what he got, though.

Frankly, a Navy SEAL team shooting him is merciful. I wanted to drop him into the middle of Times Square, shine a spotlight on him and say, “Have at it, folks,” while I handed out hammers and skinning knives to the people of New York City.

But maybe that’s just me.

memes - Mission Accomplished, Srsly
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Well, link time to make everyone feel a little better.

  • You might be thinking that an $88,000 watch is ridiculous, and you’d be right, but that doesn’t mean that the reviews for this amazingly over-prized watch aren’t hilarious in on themselves. Did you know it’s made of Popes?
  • Ladies and gentlemen, the greatest president of all time (cue lame pun).
  • The Right is already spinning Bin Laden’s death as everything from a tragedy to proof of corruption. Wow. A hundre4d bucks says that if Bush had given the order, they wouldn’t be complaining.
  • And finally, want to see a great prank pulled of to ridiculous lengths? Check out this ghost prank from Japan. Frankly, if I were that guy, I would have messed up my pants. See you guys on Friday!