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Preemptive Perry Strike

Jun 172011

June 17, 2011 Posted by Entropy Echo at 12:01 am June Tagged with: 2012, alice, america mcgee, Christian, civil war, conservative, coyote, ding dong ditch, dumb, evangelical, extreme, GOP, governor, guns, hypocrite, images, interview, is tropical, jor-el, kentucky, kill, leave, live, live-action, madness returns, megaforce, money, neil gaiman, norton anthology, pictures, prayer, president, republican, rick perry, rights, riot, russell crow, secede, seven, shot, shotgun, states, steal, stimulus, superman, tea party, texas, the greeks, toy story, toys, trailer, vancouver, zac weiner No Responses »

Not shown? The smug contempt he holds for you and your kind...

June 17, 2011

I’m going to nip this in the bud right now.

Rick Perry is a moron and if he does run for President, I want the rest of the country to be ready. There are far crazier people, like Bachmann and Kane, and there may be dumber, such as Gingritch, but Perry has something the others don’t have.

A chance.

He has a lot of cred with right-wingers, and he has the backing of a lot of groups like the NRA. The Tea Party loves him. And let’s not forget that he’s actually more eloquent than the last yahoo from this state that ran for president. Before we even get to the primaries, before the ads run, and before people start wondering “Who is Rick Perry?” allow me to fill in the gaps for you, dear reader, and save you some trouble. And as you read these and think to yourself, “NO one could be THAT dense,” remember that Perry also once claimed that Juarez, Mexico was the most dangerous city in America.

At least he didn’t wave at Stevie Wonder.

Wing and a Prayer by ~AreliasPretties on deviant ART

Prayer: It’s Good for Ya

Perry’s stance on a lot of things boil down to one word: prayer. Yes, everything from rain to protection from terrorists requires nothing more than getting down and praying to Pops, Junior, and Spooky. Don’t believe me?

The man pushed a declaration asking Texans to pray for rain.

He didn’t ask for plans for irrigation and water storage systems. He didn’t offer aid to the people struck by this. He didn’t even pitch the idea of a PSA to let people know of things they could do to help conserve water. The man asked his state to pray.

Now, I’m no scientist, but I live here, and I can tell you that it hasn’t rained in a LONG time. We’re dryer than a Hemingway story over here. We’re getting lakes catching on fire, and Perry thinks God will come down and bring water from heaven.

Shouldn’t God be doing this without so much prompting? I mean, it IS His creation? I know if my manuscript caught fire, I’d put it out.

Then again, Perry did invite the other 49 governors to join him to fast and pray for our nation to help combat things like terrorism. Five guesses how that went.

Maybe he needs to get a new long-distance plan, ‘cause Texas might be roaming.

The Great State of TEXAS by ~bushassassin on deviant ART

Git Back, Varmin’!

Rick Perry jogs and, as the governor of one of the most armed states in the Union, he has a full security detail. Let me repeat that: our governor has a fully armed and trained security team with him when he goes out.

Which explains, I guess, why the governor felt it was necessary to shoot a coyote he found while on a jog.

The story goes that Perry saw said coyote and it approached him. It threatened his dog, so the governor, in accordance with Texas law, took out a .38 pistol and shot the coyote dead.

Sounds like a great case for being able to carry a gun, huh?

Except that’s not quite the whole story. According to Perry, he CHARGED the coyote after it had stopped with a verbal threat. The animal was already stopped in its tracks. All Perry and the team and his dog had to do was go in a different direction. Did Perry do that? Nope. He shot an animal and killed it. And where did this take place?

In a hilly suburban area of Austin. The man pulled out a laser-mounted gun and killed a wild animal like he was Allan Fraking Quatermain. That wasn’t approaching him.

Oh, did I mention he was given a special “coyote pistol” by the manufacturer? Yeah, they engraved it and everything.

Hypocrite by ~LifeLookedEasyOnTV on deviant ART

Let My Funding Go!

We’ve already established that Perry is a man of God, a man of Faith, but did you know he is also a man who understands the nuances of economics and basic morality? It’s true! A few years ago, Perry made the bold claim that if the federal government didn’t stop trying to force these draconian programs, like much-needed health-care reform, he and his state would secede!

That’s right. A sitting United States governor openly threatened to leave the Union. I’ve already put my two cents in on the whole “We have the right to leave” business, but I think none other than the king of liberal snark, Keith Olbermann himself, put it best when it came to Perry’s threat.

With that being said, it’s quite shocking, then, that Perry recently asked for government aid when wildfires burned through the state. I guess government is evil and oppressive… until you actually need something from it. Then you’re entitled to it. Which is why he just had to bash the stimulus as unethical two years ago and why he had to nevertheless take billions in federal funds to plug our state’s deficit…

Yeah, that’s right. Publicly, Perry called the stimulus everything from Big Brother to the devil’s wang in our state’s bung-hole. But when it came time to check the books, he took the money anyway. Why? Well, we needed it! It’s not unethical if you really need it right? Unlike those freeloading welfare families.

Which brings us to Perry’s greatest moment…

Welfare hall by ~RadGurlToTheRescue on deviant ART

It Builds Character, Dammit!

The recession was caused by a number of factors such as the housing bubble and the banks taking far too many risks with no regulation to keep them in check. It’s a bit complex, but two years down the road, we can look back and see where the country went wrong. For Rick Perry, though, it’s much simpler than that.

God did it.

See, God wants us to be more self-sufficient, to go back to Biblical economics. I guess Perry forgot all the slavery and buying and selling people thing in the Bible, too, but that’s beside the point. Perry believes that the government should do nothing, that we have to fend for ourselves, and this is a lesson from the Almighty.

Coupled with the fact that he actively bashes welfare programs that could help women and children while he takes billions of dollars to plug a deficit he helped create, this only leads to one conclusion.

Rick Perry thinks he’s a messenger of God.

He has to be. It’s the only rationale for why he would be above the rules set for the rest of us. I had to borrow money from the government to go to college, and now I’m paying it off, but in Perry’s world, that makes me a slave. I have friends who have to use food stamps to feed their children. Obviously, keeping their children healthy and fed makes them evil.

But not Perry.

He can shoot animals in residential areas, and instruct people to refuse government aid while he instructs people to be religious and refuse said money themselves.

Even though his numbers are low in Texas, he’s pretty popular with the Tea Party and many Right-Wingers. And we all remember what happened last time a religious fanatic from Texas got into a position of power, right? I’m just trying to warn everyone. I don’t think he’d win, but then again, I didn’t think the leader of the free world would almost be assassinated by a pretzel.

Republican America by ~Innove on deviant ART

Let’s go the links before I fully recall the fact that this man runs my state.

Allow me to write a sentence that may be great or terrible news. Russell Crowe IS Jor-El of Krypton.

Despite being one of the most advanced countries in the world in terms of tech and medicine, it seems that HUNDREDS of counties are reporting a drop in female lifespans.

Vancouver loses the cup and THIS happens?! Sheesh, people, it’s not like they announced George Lucas was going to “remaster” Kids in the Hall or anything.

Ever played ding dong ditch? You know, where you ring a doorbell, run and hide, and watch some poor sap go to the door and find no one there? Oh, good times! And as we all know, the appropriate reaction to seeing a kid pull a prank like this is a SHOTGUN BLAST TO THE BACK. I seriously hope they put this guy in the deepest, darkest hole we can find, then cover him in fire ants.

Neil Fraking Gaiman gave a wonderful interview where he discusses his writing habits, American Gods 2, and what it feels like to be a goth icon.

And speaking of goth, this live-action fan trailer for the new Alice game is AWESOME. Could the movie look this good and be this creepy?

Zac Weiner finally explains why babies love peekaboo.

I’ve read through a half dozen copies of Norton Anthologies, and I never thought there were like this. Kids these days. Stop playing Call of Duty and read a book, you young punks!

I would have loved the Toy Story movies 100x more if Woody and Buzz really looked like this.

And finally, we all played with toy guns and such, and I do remember it looking and feeling somewhat like this…

A Defense of Drug Abuse

Dec 132010

December 13, 2010 Posted by Entropy Echo at 12:01 am December Tagged with: absinthe, alcohol, beer, booze, bourbon, crown royal, darth vader, drunk, harry potter, inspiration, jim beam, salvation army, secede, texas, the beaver, twilight, van gogh, wilde, writer, writing No Responses »

It's fine as long as you drink with a group. Honestly!

December 13, 2010

Man cannot live on bread alone. Occasionally, there must be drink.

Artists in every field occasionally dabble with the dilemma of drugs and alcohol. Not so much in, “Should I drink/ use this?” as much as, “Will this make me a better artist?” There is no image more enduring than that of the writer or artist in some smoky bar, stiff drink in one hand, cigarette in the other, notebook or sketchpad at the ready for inspiration to hit.

It’s crap.

Well, mostly. It would be a lie to say that drugs and alcohol haven’t helped art in some way. As Bill Hicks once said, the greatest music in the last century has been influenced by drug use. So, in an effort to build on that tradition, let’s go over a few of the more popular drinks and what they can do for you as a writer.

I do want to point out that I firmly believe, along with Stephen King and scores of writers, that any artist that NEEDS alcohol or something else in order to function is in desperate need of some help. This is just a review of various drinks and how they can best be used to jump start creativity or how to use them in a social situation with other writers.

Gluttony 2 Redone by ~TchaikovskyCF on deviant ART

Bourbon

This is a stiff drink, not for the uninitiated, that a friend once called perfect writing inspiration as long as you blasted some James Brown.

Bourbon is best enjoyed by yourself unless you can find others to drink it with you. I prefer it straight, though if the weather’s a bit hot some ice is always welcome. Bourbon on the rocks may not be as manly, but hey… It works.

As a solitary drink, enjoy it slowly. Taste the different flavors. Feel the wood-aged smokiness. Poetry benefits from that sensation of aged whiskey, the sting of the first taste, and the legacy of rugged men throughout the years sipping this spirit in bars all over the world. If bourbon’s not your thing, other whiskeys like Crown Royal or even Jack Daniels work in a pinch. This is actually my drink of choice when just working alone.

Expect to grow some facial hair with bourbon.

Tequila

Under no circumstances or threat of a bullet to the brain EVER drink any tequila that does not say “100% agave” on the label. I mean it. You better eat a bullet before you drink any of the swill served at scores of college parties or office Christmas parties.

I’m serious. Tequila drunk, real tequila drunk, is a sensation that’s not easily replicated by any other liquor I’ve ever had. You’re a bit numb and uninhibited but without the fog of other alcohols. The next day, if all you drank was pure tequila distilled from 100% agave, you’ll wake up without any hint of hangover. Sip it. Enjoy the flavors, the sharp sting and the mellow wood flavors.

While I don’t usually condone mixed drinks, a shot of tequila with some orange juice and a shot of sangrita makes a delicious alternative for those who don’t like straight liquor. Pace yourself to one drink an hour and you’ll stay within a zone of clear-headedness that will help you write and consider ideas previously taboo.

And you won’t be so drowsy that you’ll forget what you’re thinking about.

Still, pace yourself. Whether or not your antics end up on Youtube is your own fault.

Tequila by *coldasylum on deviant ART

Beer

If you’re looking for inspiration, this is actually the last place you should look. I enjoy a good, dark beer, but even I have to admit that this is one of the worst drinks, in any form, for inspiration. It’s fizzy and makes you go to the bathroom every ten minutes. It may be good for social get-togethers, and may work with other artists, but as a general rule, it’s not great when it comes to opening the ol’ brainpan.

Beer by ~tilk-the-cyborg on deviant ART

Absinthe

The Green Faerie… It’s blamed for the madness of an entire generation of artists. Absinthe is now available in the United States, and I have a limited experience with it, but I can honestly say it’s one of the more interesting drinks to have while working.

Like tequila, it seems to induce clear-headedness while granting the regular benefits of inebriation. Inhibitions and the normal censors in the brain go down while you remain alert. That, combined with a light numbing in the mouth from the oils and chemicals in the liquor, make it feel unlike anything I’ve ever had before. I can see why Van Gogh and Oscar Wilde coveted this drink. While I’m not a fan of sweet drinks, the connection, however tenuous, to those great masters is thrilling.

OOAK Sculpture: La Fee Verte by *Indigo-Ocean on deviant ART

And that’s really what the drink gives you: a connection to the past. Drinking is a social experience. You should enjoy it with others, preferably artists and creative types who can loosen up and share their insight and accept your own ramblings.

Anyone who needs liquor to work has a problem. But nothing is more traditional, more insightful, than the occasional alcohol-fueled gab session.

Hey, I wrote two theses at a bar, which brings us to one final point:

Pick your bars carefully.

Dark corners are good. Anything that plays decent music is welcome, but not necessary. If the bar gets too crowded, you’ve lost any ability to work. If you’re going to write or sketch, arrive early or late. Avoid the peak hours or pick a nice corner with enough light to see. And tip your waiter or bartender. Let them know you mean business. As someone who also worked in the food service industry, I can tell you that a constant good tipper goes a long way to getting you in the bar’s good graces. Hey, it might even score you a free drink.

And observe.

Even if you yourself don’t do any drinking, bars are perfect places to get a glimpse into human behavior. As the alcohol flows, you’ll see people acting like idiots, but you’ll also see and hear material you’d never think of on your own.

Now go get drunk and write something.

And for those artists who are 21 (or pretend to be 21), what drinks do you prefer while working?

And now for links!

The greatest case for gay marriage EVER.

The Salvation Army won’t distribute Harry Potter and Twilight toys because they are against the organization’s Christian beliefs. Wow. Really? I can understand not giving away Twilight toys (they cause cancer, you know), but Harry Potter toys?

How to spot a virgin: lesson 1.

The science fiction purist in me says AAAAGH! But the geek in me says “Oh!” to these redesigned Darth Vader models.

Do you want to help catch a terrorist? Make sure you know the difference between regular people and terrorists first.

My state keeps hinting it wants to secede. If we promise to indite Bush on war crime charges, can we just stay? Please?

If you’ve never worked in an office, this is the only thing you need to know about bosses.

Do you lay awake at night wondering if Christmas has arrived yet? Wonder no more!

I’m sorry, but Mel Gibson’s new movie has all the signs of a parody waiting to happen. A man’s sanity is rescued by a beaver puppet… and the movie’s called The Beaver?

The writer’s prayer… add booze as needed.

And finally, movies like this are the reason alcohol should not be taken on a constant basis while writing.

Texas Revolutionaries and Indiana Methodists

Apr 182010

April 18, 2010 Posted by Entropy Echo at 11:28 pm April Tagged with: Archive, bar, civil, DePauw, ghoultown, Indiana, methodist, perry, protest, rick, secede, taxes, tea, texan, texas, war 1 Response »

Texas BBQ with Fox News Tea. Worst. Dinner. Ever.

April 19, 2010

So… my state may help start a new civil war.

Seriously. Rick Perry, governor of Texas, said, with no unclear terms, that Texas would leave the union if the federal government didn’t stop, you know, doing the things the federal government has to do. At the time, his statements draw a lot of criticism from many in the media, and it’s been over a year since he made them, but the way things are going right now, I am actually scared that some of these wastes of genetic material may act on this rhetoric.

Perry made the comments in the environment of the first Tea Parties. Ah, the first Tea Parties. Hard to think it was roughly a year ago that they first started popping up like syphilis lesions. Anyway, there hasn’t been a lot of talk about this in the news, but if you don’t live in Texas, you need to understand something.

A lot of people would not be against this state leaving. And why?

Because the government isn’t doing what they want. And of course, when the government doesn’t do what you want it to do, your only course of action is to leave the Union and establish your own nation. After all, we should be able to do it, right? We’re a big state. We have oil. And uhm… we have a coast line. And the Cowboys.

Well, crap, guess we’ll have to give the military bases back. Along with NASA, all federal agencies, the post office, and FEMA aid. We do after all, live right on Tornado Alley. Hey, no one said starting a new country would be cheap.

I bring this up, though, because the violent rhetoric from the Tea Party, physical attacks on Congress, and the general feeling by a not-insignificant part of the population that the government is physically coming to get them are fanning fires, brings to light that my state isn’t the only star that wants to jump from the flag. I know Texas won’t secede. I know no state will secede. They can’t. They have too much to lose, but in the meantime, there will be complete frontal lobe cases who won’t think it through and may do things that could get a lot of people hurt. Just because the revolution doesn’t go all the way through doesn’t mean people won’t get caught in the crossfire.

see more Political Pictures

This talk of secession, and Texas is by no means the only state to have tried it without counting the Civil War, is the kind of thing I remember seeing in Indiana some years back.

Not that Indiana wanted to leave the Union when I studied there.

I used to work as a student processor at the DePauw University Archives. Apart from college records and artifacts, we handled the records for Methodist churches in a large section of the state. I was amazed, really shocked, at the number of churches that sprang up over the course of a century. Some lasted a few years. Others moved. When looking over their histories, you could trace many of them in a sort of religious family tree.

darkness by ~statlernerd on deviant ART

The funny thing is that it wasn’t so much churches branching out to bring the good word to other parts of the state. Most of these churches, at least the ones I had to process, were off-shoots of other churches because there had been some sort of schism within the congregation. Having read the histories of many of these churches, I can’t think of what would prompt them to split like this. Did someone bring the wrong kind of cookies to the bake sale? Someone not like the Colts?

And where are all these new churches full of energy and vitality that stuck it to the Man and went on their own?

Drive across Indiana. You’ll see them. Abandoned. A lot of churches didn’t last. Some did. For four years, I read their histories. I saw their photos. When I drove through the state, sometimes I could see one through the trees, sort of poking out as its white paint, now chipped, caught a bit of the sun.

It’s the social equivalent of “Fine! I’ll go play with my red ball all by myself.”

The Black Knight by ~kissed-byarose on deviant ART

Texas takes a lot of pride in its independence. We were once a country. We have the largest land area in the country. Just don’t bring up Alaska. We own guns.

If a guy is arguing and he leaves the debate yelling, “I can’t work with this! Leave me alone,” everyone watching rightly assumes he got his ass handed to him. You can yell all you want. It doesn’t make you right. When I hear of states wanting to leave because of higher taxes, I wonder if they realize that they have the power to elect government officials. Never mind the fact that taxes actually went down this year. Our democracy is not perfect, I’ll admit. Some members of Congress will retire when they die or are caught in bed with either a dead woman or a live boy. But trying to get people on your side for Election Day is a lot more American, and a lot less bloody, than secession.

And that’s really what secession is all about. It’s un-American. You get so fed up that you put the state above the whole for petty reasons you can solve some other way. We are the United States. All of us. Neil Gaiman once wrote that we’re like a bunch of little nations, all sort of living together. He’s right. Someone from Indiana would be at a loss here in Laredo, Texas. They’d stand out like a nun at a whorehouse. Likewise, someone from south Texas would certainly have culture shock in the north. The cold alone would kill some of us.

Seriously. Anything below 70 degrees Fahrenheit and we shut down.

That doesn’t mean secession is the right choice. It’s nonsense. It won’t work for a variety of reasons. That doesn’t mean it won’t stop some idiots from claiming it’s a valid tactic when they disagree with the federal government. You don’t move out when your roommate leaves dishes in the sink. And you don’t beat him to a pulp either. You talk it through like civilized human beings.

And before I hear one more idiot say it, bringing up Texas secession and invoking the Alamo misses the point that the Texans lost. It’s kind of like giving astronauts a pep-talk by telling them their new computer system is named HAL.